Gratitude...

Sorry everyone for being gone so long...had a few things I had to deal with and a few trips to take..

I must say that the last three months of my life have been amazing...I can say that I understand humility and gratitude at a level I never have before...

Don't worry I will be discussing this at length in my upcoming blogs...for now...

Where am I today?

Grateful

Today I am grateful

I am grateful for:

1. The love of people
2. The understanding of people
3. Health
4. Children
5. My Job
6. A God of my understanding that is loving and forgiving
7. Spirituality
8. The Amazing Women in My Life
9. Second Chances
10. The Sun
11. The Rain
12. The Mountains
13. Opportunity
14. A hot shower and food
15. A warm and safe place to sleep

My gratitude list is about love and understanding, support and relationships...

Today I am grateful to be alive and loved.

Today I am grateful for you.

Today I am grateful that I know what is important in my life and that I won't wast time on things that don't matter any more.

Today I am grateful for the love and friendships I have.

Today I am grateful that I am not wrapped up in material stuff or materialistic people.

Today I am grateful for the understanding that what we have together in friendship and support is what makes us complete, happy, blessed and wealthy.

Today I am grateful for you.

What are you grateful for today...shout it out..share and love

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G


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A Super Human...I Think Not!

I recently discovered....I am not a Super Human....Damn it!

To think such a thing is to operate from a place of EGO. I never related EGO to this behavior but I have come to reflect that me believing that I was immune to what life was going to serve me...that I would "always" be able to handle it...was a belief that emerged from my fear and ego.

I have to admit that there were certain things I have said to myself "I would never do...."

Guess what...

I did...

I am coming to accept that I am a human being with human problems. This may be a news flash for some of you...

You....are just a human being with human problems...

What a relief!!!

It does not matter as to what career you have, how much education you have, how much money you make or how good you look on the outside...

Life is full of issues...none of us are expempt from experiencing these things....good and bad.

I have been brought to my knees in recent weeks and humbled in the face of personal adversity.

It has been the best and worst experience I have ever had in my life. Although extremely painful; it did not break me.

What would have broken me is refusing to admit that I was experiencing pain; that I needed help.

Operating from a Super Human perspective will break us all...

From the mud, once again, like a lotus, I will fight my way to the top and emerge better and stronger than I was before.

What I won't take for granted again is my human-ness.

I am a human being with human problems, PhD and all...

We are humans with human problems...forgive yourself and don't regret the past or freak out about the future...

We only have today and we only have each other.

We are all in this together...this thing called life...I mean that...

Keeping it real with Dr. Mary G

The Frog I Kissed that Turned into a Prince

I kissed a frog and he turned into a prince…………..NOT!!!

I am here to clear something up…kissing frogs is a fantasy…no prince will come out of this behavior…I have tried…I have kissed them, showered them with love, been understanding with them, helped them, given to them…fed them lots of flys...no prince ever emerged..

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I have many friends that are single and many friends that are in relationships/marriages.

This is not true for all ,,,,but the general theme I am finding is that there is deep dissatisfaction in personal relationships.

Why is this?

Do we settle?

Do we stop putting forth the effort into making it work?

I can list the many reasons why.

The why is not important right now.

The important question is...

Is my idea of a good relationship a possibility or a fantasy?

What I think a good relationship is…

·         Two people who love one another unconditionally but work really hard to be the best person they can be because they are in a wonderful partnership.

·         Lots and Lots of Communication…

·         Acceptance of one another

·         Consideration for one another

·         Two people that disagree, struggle, face life’s ups and downs…TOGETHER

·         Equality

·         Mutually shared and loved activities

·         Independence

·         Passion ( I can’t get rated R here because I have younger readers….you know what I mean)

·         Emotional Connection

·         Two people that recognize they have issues (we all do) and are continually working on those issues to be a better partner and person    

These things seem pretty straight forward. I am hoping that at some point in my life I will have a relationship like this “fantasy” relationship. A relationship with someone I love unconditionally and is my best friend.

Because

In the end a frog is a frog and will be nothing more or nothing less…Let’s stop wasting our time on kissing the frogs and risking getting some screwed up frog disease..

We are worth more than that..

For me, today in my life, being alone is better than being with a frog..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Babysitter No More

I was having dinner with a close friend and she used the phrase “babysitting someone’s happiness”.

The phrase struck me so much that I thought it was important to share my thoughts about what the phrase means to me.

As a kid, I hated babysitting.

Why did I hate it? 

 I had to pay constant attention to the kids, play what they wanted to play, tell them what they wanted to hear so they wouldn’t cry, eat what they wanted to eat, wipe their noses and their bottoms and hope that they gave good reports to their parents so that I would get my small amount of pay.

I didn’t babysit much as teenager…for those exact reasons.

So why do I babysit as an adult?

What I have discovered is that I have babysat a lot as an adult.  I have babysat people’s happiness.

People in my life; it is important to me for them to be happy….

So what have I done…

I have given constant attention to them… done what I thought they wanted to do, told them what they wanted to hear, appeased their needs, entertained them, bought them gifts..did my best song and dance...

Unbalanced on the side of trying to keep them happy...."babysitting their happiness"

At some point I felt in charge of their happiness…just like a babysitter.

I am here to tell you that I am done babysitting people’s happiness. I will only be responsible for my own happiness.

I will commit to be a loving person; kind, present and accepting. I will commit to providing people (family, friends, partners, and my children) unconditional respect, support and love.

What I will not do is take on the responsibility of making them happy.

 I will live my life being honest, caring and supportive in relationships but I will not fret over nor will I own another's misery.

If you are unhappy...do not blame others for that...do not look to others  to make you happy…that is false happiness and will not last.

If you are babysitting another person’s happiness….STOP! You are doing them, yourself and the relationship no good.

Babysitting another person’s happiness gives you nothing but stress, heartache, guilt, blame and shame…far less than the small amount we were paid when we babysat for a job.

Happiness is internal and not external and is an individual’s responsibility.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Checking in and out of the Heartbreak Hotel

I have had my heart broken many times in my life; like most of us...

What does it mean to have your heart broken?

What it means for me is intense emotional pain, anguish, and sadness over something that is happening or happened in my life.

I have had my heart broken over several things in my life. Loss of friendships, relationships, and loved ones.

 My heart breaks when I see someone I love in pain.

What do I do when my heart is broken?

 Well my old self stuffed the pain...avoided it... ignored it...rationalized it and/or tried to numb it. I just tried to pretend it didn't happen.

I have recently had the chance to practice what I would do now if my heart was broken.

What I did was slip back and tried the old way of dealing with it...old habits die hard!

I tried to ignore it. I tried to blame myself for it; I tried to convince myself it wasn't there; I tried to get a rewind.

What happened when I did this...It made it worse!! Caused some insanity.

What I am slowly realizing about painful experiences is that I have to face them. I can't ignore them; I can't wish them away; I can't pretend they didn't happen.

I have to deal with them at "their" pace and not at my pace. I have to allow myself time to feel hurt and sadness before I move on. I have to recognize that being human means having my feelings hurt. Sometimes hurt badly.

I am learning to let myself sit with the pain until it passes; I am attempting not to overanalyze it and I am accepting it as a part of life.

I realize that the only way to avoid heartbreak is to stop opening myself up to love from others
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For me that is not living.....I know that on the other side of heartbreak is enormous love and joy and that is what  makes a life worth living.

What I also know for sure is that heartbreak heals and the storm never lasts forever....

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

ANGER............GRRRR

Is anger helpful?

I think it can serve as a motivator, a behavior changer, a way to get unstuck if you are stuck.

I think anger can serve a purpose if it is growth oriented.

What I mean is that if you get angry at yourself for doing something you wish you wouldn’t have done then use it to change your behavior.

If you are angry at injustice that is taking place in the world and that motivates you to change something to help other…work it to your advantage!

If you are angry because your job is miserable, your relationships are bad, your health isn’t what it use to be…use the anger to motivate change…do it do it do it…

What anger should not be is a prison that you are held in. Anger can become your enemy if you don’t deal with it or if it is displaced.

Often times our anger gets displaced and we project it in ways that are hurtful to ourselves and others..

Anger can cause you to treat yourself and others badly. Anger can result in you losing your dignity, self-respect and rational thinking.

I have gotten irritated over the last year but I haven’t gotten angry to the point where I gave it power….I did recently.

I got angry and said things I didn’t mean to a friend…damage done…that is what anger does…damages relationship and sometimes in this case, the damage will not be repaired.

What was my growth in this…

1.      A reminder that anger is a secondary emotion and I need to deal with the primary emotion first so the anger disappears

2.      Accepting that primary emotion…in this case…my feelings got hurt and I was sad and had I dealt with that for myself then I wouldn’t have lashed out and hurt a friend.

3.      Take a moment before responding in any situation you feel angry in

4.      Accepting my humanity…damn it I am not perfect!

5.      Owning my own emotion...not blaming my anger on someone else…all me

So if you are angry about something or someone….where is the anger coming from? Are you hurt, embarrassed, ashamed, sad…

Deal with that first…see what a difference it makes…

Use it as a way to change…

Don’t stay prisoner to it…a huge waste of time

I fought anger and anger won…one time this year….he won’t be winning again anytime soon..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Rules to Live By...Going Back to the Basics

I have written about a lot of things in my blog. I have written about love, relationships, family, personal growth and friendship. The last few years as you know I have had ups and downs. When I reflect on my life I realize how lucky I am and how grateful I am to have had the love of such wonderful people. Here are some solid life rules I have come to believe to be true. My disclaimer is that I have discovered these through personal experience, life and love. All may not apply to you and they are listed in no particular order:

1.      Material items mean nothing

2.      Never judge another person; you have no idea what they are dealing with in their lives

3.      Work should not be your primary focus

4.      Forgive others; it is the only way to move past anger, resentment and blame

5.      Forgive yourself

6.      Find a good life partner; a person that compliments you, supports you, accepts you unconditionally and loves you

7.      Don’t live in fear…that is not living

8.      Take risks, healthy, fun and adventuresome risks

9.      Don’t be trapped by guilt and shame…move on

10.  Stop worrying about what other people think about you

11.  You are accountable to yourself. If you are spiritual you are accountable to your higher power; nobody else

12.  Show as much compassion to yourself as you do your friends, family and neighbors

13.  Give to others

14.  Don’t let real love slip away; fight for it

15.  Find your passion and go for it

16.  Life is about choices. If you chose wrong then chose again

17.  Don’t accept what can be changed

18.  Love, love, love

19.  Say you are sorry to your children

20.  You are not perfect; you never will be

21.  Fate is not the only thing to consider; get off you fanny and make things happen

22.  Surround yourself with happy and healthy people

23.  Exercise

24.  Eat chocolate

25.  Eat lots of chocolate

26.  Take naps

27.  Take naps with someone you love

28.  Take naps with your kids

29.  Laugh

30.  Laugh at yourself

31.  Lighten up…nothing is worth that much emotion

32.  Tell the people in your life how you feel about them

33.  Communicate your true and honest feelings…don’t be afraid…do it

34.  Trust in yourself

35.  Trust in others

36.  Be okay with being wrong

37.  Be okay with admitting you are wrong

Life is about living and these basic rules serve as a guide for my life. Do I break them? Yes I have broken every single one of them on my list. I have broken lots last few days.... but what I always go back to are numbers 5 and 12. I forgive myself today and am showing compassion to myself today. Back to the basics tomorrow....

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

EXCUSE ME!!

“The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that’s the day you start to the top”

Excuses Excuses Excuses

I myself have been guilty of falling into the trap of excuses.

I have pretty much overcome excuses for myself. I don’t blame others for me not doing what I want to do or what I need to do…I am living my life now with no excuses and it feels empowering…

I have always wanted to travel…I am traveling now…no more excuses…

The one area of growth is getting trapped by the excuses of others…I still get sucked into that vortex…

Either validating their excuses or making excuses for their behaviors..

If someone is treating me badly I try and excuse their behavior by saying “they are having a hard time” “life is difficult for them” “they don’t communicate well”

While all this may be true (most of the time it is) that does not mean I have to sit around and be treated badly by someone…friends, family, partners, strangers, or colleagues….

Making excuses for someone is different than having empathy for someone. We all have tough times. I empathize for people but I also don’t want to get trapped anymore by making excuses for people or validating their excuses.

So how do I balance this…

I have decided that if I am being treated badly or I perceive I am being treated badly, it is my responsibility to disengage. I am giving myself permission to empathize with someone’s situation but I will no longer make excuses for their behavior.

I am also committing to not listening to excuses anymore. The repetitive, same old tired story...

Excuses are based on fear...life can not be lived in fear.

 People, like I, have choices. Acceptance or not…wanting something and making excuses on why you can’t have this or that is not acceptable…

If you want something …take a chance….take a risk…stop making excuses…stop being afraid...OR…stop complaining about it and accept it…

Life is about choices not excuses

Choose to live your life for you…no regret…no excuses…no fear..nothing is impossible…stop telling yourself it is…

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Lots Learned in Two Days

I have learned a lot about myself the last couple of years but I think I have learned the most about myself the last six months and maybe the most to date about myself over the last forty-eight hours.  

Over the last couple of years I have learned that I have value and my happiness is important. Just as important as anyones..

The last six months

I have learned that there are good relationships to be had and that those should be coveted.

I have learned what unconditional love and acceptance is..

I have learned that the best relationships I have had have been based on solid friendships and genuine concern for the well being of the other before myself…

I have learned to forgive myself and love myself and accept myself as a flawed but fantastic person.

I have learned that I am passionate and emotional and learned to embrace that…what can I say....I am a Scorpio!

I have learned to face my fears and fight them

I have become spiritual

I have been dealt with some shocks and held my ground…stayed steady

I have learned that I am a strong, bad ass woman

I have learned that love is real

The last 48 hours

I have learned that no matter how good  a situation is or how wonderful a person is that nothing is certain

I have learned to deal with ambiguity.

I have been reminded that perceptions in the same situation vary and reminded to appreciate that variety.

I have learned that I don’t like saying goodbye.

I learned that being vulnerable is not being weak

Most of all I learned that there are still some incongruencies  between what my life is and what I want my life to be..

 I learned that I don’t want to wait anymore to address those inconsistencies.

What will I learn from my next 48 hours....

I wonder

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Compassion..Say What?

As I stood on the street corner I watched person after person walk over a homeless man as if he were garbage…

Would people walk over me as if I were garbage if I were lying in the street?

No they wouldn’t…wouldn’t because I don’t appear to be “indigent”...

What does appearance have to do with human compassion...why does how a man or a woman look matter?

Have you walked over a person...homeless or not...different than you and refused to look at them...been disgusted by them...not even thought about them?

Compassion…where has human compassion gone?

What does it mean to show compassion and respect to others?

 I find myself bothered by several things. Really bothered…

The lack of compassion that I see from one person to another

The lack of time and energy put into relationships

The amount of waste that happens

The lack of investment in the lives of people around the world

I know that most of you reading this are caring, kind and helpful people.

I also know that most of you, myself included, get wrapped up taking care of our daily lives....we feel stretched..

Caring for our loved ones...our jobs, our homes, our friends, ourselves….all things that need tended…all important things..

I am grateful I have loved ones, a job, a home and friends to tend to...not everyone has what I have...many people do not have what I have...

What about those who are homeless, hungry, abused...how are we showing kindness, compassion and respect for them?

I don't care about the age old argument I have found myself in over and over again about  how or why they are homeless, hungry, struggling with addiction or mental illness...choice, not a choice...I don't care...I don't care...I don't care..I don't care to have that argument anymore.

What I really care about is how we are helping the homeless, hungry, and abused. How are we showing that we have compassion, respect and love for them.

How do we sustain that everyday…helping someone....

It isn’t about the one trip a year to build houses or the volunteering once a month…those are wonderful things…not to be minimized...

What I want to know is what we are doing in our everyday lives..

Is it possible for us to take a few moments everyday of our lives from this day forward to show respect, kindness, empathy and practice understanding to someone we may have overlooked?

Share a smile, a kind word, eye contact, a cup of coffee.

Stop and look around; take a few minutes every day to practice compassion.

Don’t walk over a person as if they are garbage in the streets….as if they are invisible.

People are not invisible…

Make eye contact, smile, let them know you care and hope things get better for them…take a moment to listen to someone…

Every human being wants to be treated with love, kindness, respect and compassion…we all want to feel as if our story matters to someone…

Practice this everyday...to the neighbor...the clerk...the gentlemen sitting in the rain on the corner....

Don't do it  to get your name on a plaque or for a tax deduction...do it because... people are worth it...people need it...people deserve it...

Practice compassion and respect with me

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Another Lonely Day

Another lonely day....only by choice

What do you do when you face hard times in your life? I am facing more challenges in my life. Another mountain to climb…

When I thought I had it all figured out…out of dark sky came a bolt of lightning.  

Why the constant fight, the ups and downs of life. The sorrow…sadness and pain.

I told myself that I was to old to be dealing with some of this stuff…to tired to be dealing with some of this stuff…to sad to be dealing with some of this stuff.

I remember to feel pain is to live...

What did I want to do…I wanted to throw myself down on the floor, scream and kick and cry…just like a child who had their feelings hurt for the first time.

What did I do…

I accepted and am accepting that just because I want something in my life doesn’t mean that I get it…

I accepted and am accepting that I am not to blame for everything that goes wrong on my life’s path; sometimes things just happen…

I accepted and am accepting that my sadness should not be fought but should be experienced  and embraced and that when I am ready I will let it go…

I accepted and am accepting that for whatever reason….I am meant to climb another mountain…alone and on my own….

I accepted and am accepting that when I reach the top of this mountain that the sun will shine down on me and I will have renewed strength to love, live and laugh.

I accepted and am accepting that I am a powerful, loving, intelligent and strong woman who can and will climb another mountain and with each step, no matter how painful, I will not lose sight of the top.

I refuse to stop climbing.

Another lonely day...only by choice

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Second Chances

Needing one more chance, a rewind, a redo…

 Do you ever feel like that? A sense of dread comes over you. Maybe because of mistakes you made or life circumstances. Some things that are in your control or things that are out of your control… forces you to take a look at where your life is…

How would I utilize a redo…a rewind…a second chance...

I would make the most of it…I would realize that there is no rewind, there is no redo but there is always a second chance.

I would focus on what is really important. I would focus on relationships with others. Relationship I have with myself.

I would forgive myself and others, unconditionally.

I would cherish every single day as if was my last…remind myself that it could be my last…

I would stop wasting time on making foolish mistakes…stop being unhealthy..take charge of my destiny..stop putting things off...

I would be in touch with spirituality in a way that I hadn’t been before…

I would believe that anything was possible..

I would let go of the past…let go of yesterday…

I would stay in the moment..stay in the day…

I would love, love, love…love myself, love my partner, love my kids, love my friends...love... as if that was my only job in life…

What if I did get that second chance…

Maybe I don’t "wait" to get a second chance…maybe in this moment…at this time in my life…I say that I am going to create my second chance...

I believe I deserve a second chance...

I believe we deserve a second chance…let's take it...let's start…we start now..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Knowing Right from Wrong

Simple concept? Not always. Not for me anyway. I know the basics of right from wrong. I know all the stuff we were taught when we were children. Don’t lie, steal, cheat, hurt people. Say you are sorry if you do something wrong. Don’t do it again. Play nice with others, share….

All these are easy concepts for me. What has not been easy for me up until now is knowing right from wrong with  bigger life choices.

How do I know if I am in the right relationship, the right career, making the right life choices? I have struggled with these questions. What does that even mean, the right relationship, the right job, the right life choices?

When to stay, when to go?

My solution is simple. I now trust my instincts. I trust my gut for making those decisions and I don’t let the worry of what other people think control me.

 I don’t care anymore about what other people think of me. That has taken me a long time to resolve.

The fear of what others thought, or the judgement of others, kept me imprisoned for some time.

I don’t care anymore if people think I am smart enough, have a good enough job, have enough money, dress nice enough. I don’t care anymore if people think I have completely lost my mind.

What I care about is how I feel about myself.  I am learning to trust my instincts and only my instincts. I understand my needs.

People who care about me for who I am could care less who I am dating, what kind of house I live in or what kind of job I do. People who care about me for who I am love me for my heart and spirit. I finally love me for my heart and spirit.

Making the right decision doesn’t matter anymore. Making the decision that fits with me is what matters. There is no right or wrong. We are human beings and we make mistakes and that is how we, that is how I, learn and grow.

Make decisions based on what your instincts tell you….trust in yourself, accept and love yourself, you won’t be disappointed.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

The Awakening

A Woman Awoke

I feel inspired to write about awakenings today. I have returned from a trip from Central America in which I experienced a renewal and an awakening.

The love, hope and resilience and faith in God of people living in extreme poverty was moving and powerful.

I met an older woman who lived in fear for most of her life. Fear to leave her home, fear of her spouse and fear of the outside world.

She met other women who were also fearful. These primary fears were overtaken with fear for the lives of their children.

These women were giving birth on the side of the road; had no potable water; collecting contaminated water for their children because there was no clean water; no medical or dental facilities within miles or hours…..many infant deaths…many unnecessary deaths of loved ones…

 These women were fearful of what would happened to their children so they mobilized eight years ago as mothers, sisters, and friends.

Women who came from miles to join the movement…women who fought for their basic rights as human beings.  

The right to have access to clean water. The right to have medical services for themselves and their families. The right to have bridges to cross. The right to have roads. The right to have education.

Hearing their testimony.... hearing them say over and over again “We were afraid to speak, afraid to leave or homes, afraid of our husbands…..since joining other women, we have not been afraid”.

Hearing the empowerment and pride in their stories, themselves and in their voices has moved me to assess what my life is and what I can do to live in solidarity with people having their human rights violated.

From this experience I am a woman awoke.

How can you be awaken to the needs of your neighbors, your friends, your community?

What motivates you to feel passion, pride, love and solidarity?

Find what makes you feel alive and go for it! The thought of helping others awakens my spirit.

No matter what awakens your spirit and your soul… now is the time…..

Awaken with me

 “If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old, you will just keep growing”   Gail Sheehy

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.