Frog Legs: It's What's for Dinner

The frog in the frying pan

My friend today reminded me of the analogy of the frog in the frying pan

If you put a frog in a frying pan (please don’t) and turn the heat up extremely high the frog jumps out immediately

If you put a frog in a frying pan (please don’t) and turn the heat up a little bit at a time….very slowly….it will stay put and die there…

Clearly this is a metaphor for life

Some people have little choice but to live their lives in a frying pan slowly losing the battle against life and its circumstances

For those of us who do have the choice to jump out....I am left wondering why we don’t make those changes…

Like the slow heat many of us don’t notice we are cooking to death until it becomes too late or we are too tired or too old…or we have just submitted

I was a frog in a frying pan once

It took me many years to realize it    

I am not that anymore

If people are toxic in my life I remove them as soon as I can…friends, family, intimate partners and strangers…it makes no difference

Co-dependency is a frying pan

Unhealthy life choices are frying pans

Blaming others for your choices is a frying pan; Constant complaining…sizzle..sizzle…

Pessimism is a frying pan

If I feel myself being sucked into negativity, anger, shame, guilt or any of the above…I jump out or sometimes my friends pull me out

If you have the feeling that life is getting “hotter and hotter” …then maybe you are a frog in a frying pan…

Take a moment and think about it

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

 

The Worst Enemy....Me

Over the past couple of weeks I have faced some bumps in the road…

Life

Moments and situations that have caused me to reflect on endings…and the past and the future…

I had some feelings  of fear, hurt, anger, confusion,  anxiety and sadness…

Because there were multiple situations that occurred over a short period of time....I momentarily lost the idea of stopping and looking at the root of the situation before letting the feelings overcome me

I felt frozen for a second and overwhelmed

Being Human

Then I remembered to take a breath, peel each thing apart, look at each feeling individually and find the cause…

And what did I discover

I was the cause

I am not minimizing the events I faced….a sick parent, a graduating child, an ex-partner issue, a misunderstanding with a friend, miscommunication, disappointment and hurt feelings…

Each of these situations warrants feelings and time set aside for these feelings

But these situations or any situations don’t warrant getting stuck over or being trapped by…

None of us have  as much control….or any control for that matter…. over the things that happen in our lives….(make an apt with me if you think you do)

But what we do have control over is our feelings, our thoughts, and how we face each situation, person, problem, and dilemma

I appreciate I am at a stage in my life…. earned through some hard knocks…that I don’t give into self-sabotage for very long

Now

I let go

I stop overthinking and processing (professional hazard)

Time is too precious to waste on being overwhelmed by things you can’t control….control you...deal with it…work it out…let it go…and be happy

Don't be your worst enemy in life

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

The Graduation

On the eve of my daughter’s graduation I sit and wonder what special graduation gift I can give…I have been thinking about this for weeks…. Everything seems so impersonal or trivial….

Here are my thoughts…  

Hannah:

The day you were born was one of the best and scariest days of my life…I couldn’t stop holding you, kissing you, talking to you, loving you….couldn’t stop worrying about you or being scared I wasn’t going to be a good enough mother to you…

I also couldn’t stop taking your temperature because I thought you were sick…Yes…the old fashioned way…so sorry about that…!!!

You have grown so fast….faster than I could have imagined, faster than I had hoped….

You are entering adulthood

In spite of me…my overprotecting, my temperature taking, my parenting mistakes…in which I have made many…

You have turned out to be an amazing young woman

My first gift to you is for you to see yourself the way I do….to see yourself the way your friends do….the way everyone who comes in contact with you…sees you…

You are beautiful…not just with your long brown hair and your eyes that sparkle when you talk about Dr. Who and fan fiction….not just with your perfect smile and …not just with those adorable dimples…

You have a beautiful soul…you love people unconditionally, you cry when people are hurt, you anger when people are mistreated, you are a fierce advocate for the underrepresented….you fight against the status quo

You are compassionate…never hurting anyone intentionally

You are intelligent; gentle, forgiving and nurturing

You are love

My hope is that you see these things in yourself the way I see them and the way everyone who has ever met you… sees you…

My last gift to you is to share what I have learned about being a woman and hope you learn too…

Love yourself unconditionally

Don’t be hard on yourself….you are just a human and you will make mistakes

Learn from everyone…from everything

Forgive yourself

Don’t be afraid

Live each and every day until your last day…with joy and excitement for what the day will bring

Be grateful; Be honest; Be humble; Be spiritual

Live your life the way you know is right…regardless of what others say or think

Surround yourself with loving people

Accept, love and serve others

Have fun and don’t take anything too seriously

On this eve of your graduation I mourn the loss of the sweetest little girl I have had the privilege of mothering…my sweet Hanny

On this eve of your graduation I celebrate the coming of age of my daughter; a beautiful young woman who I will have the privilege of watching blossom into a strong and confident individual

You are loved

Keeping it Real as Your Mom (Dr. Mary G.)

Six Flags Amusement Park Ride Called Life

Life such a wild ride…

On Thursday of last week (today is Monday) I commented on my facebook how happy I was and how lucky I was to feel so happy…

By Friday I was in tears…over what….isn’t the concern

By Sunday three significant uncontrollable things came my way that caused more sadness and anger…
How can one be so happy one day and crying like a baby the next…

It is this thing called LIFE

As I reflect back on a rocky weekend I am reminded of life’s ups and downs

I am reminded of how difficult some days can be and how wonderful some days can be

Did I face the weekend’s rockiness with dignity and respect

Not all of it…I am only human…
I cried, cussed, vented and prayed….maybe not in that order

Then I got myself back….

I remembered that I am still happy, still grateful and still loved
I remembered I am still blessed
I remembered that my life is so wonderful

I decided not to allow the events  that happened over the weekend to dismiss all the joy I felt four days ago

In the end I have come to one conclusion

Life is not about controlling the events that come your way….because they will come your way….life is about controlling yourself as you handle each of these events…

So with one deep breath, one last cuss word, one last vent…I am putting the weekend behind me and grabbing back my optimism and happy outlook on life…I am recognizing how grateful I am to have all I have…I am loving all those who love me and am choosing to let the rest go…

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Successful or a Vagabond?

 

For a long time I was led to believe that success was...

Routine

A job that you stayed in for a whole career

A huge 401k

Owning a house with a picket fence

Owning a nice car

Belonging to some fancy community organization

PTA

Never losing your keys; being organized and on-task

Returning to the same vacation spot; year after year

Hitting that favorite eatery every friday with the same crowd of friends

Same traditions around every holiday

Steady, routine, rock solid and responsible-Success

I was led to believe that if I did not have that or did not want that then I was somehow inadequate...a failure..

I am happy for those who have this life...those who want this life...there is nothing wrong with fitting into the traditional mold of success

I had that for a long time but….

It didn't feel right...happy...content...

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me…

Why did that life make me want to put a needle in my eye or drink a bottle of vodka???

Did I need therapy? Medication? (Maybe... but not in relationship to this issue)

I realized I needed  to let go of the opinions of others and define my own life; my own success and my own failures

Success for me is not showing people my bright and shining possessions, having a perfect outside appearance or a big diamond ring...

Success is not tangible for me...it is not always safe and it is hardly the same each time I experience it

It is made up of new experiences, traveling to new places, meeting new people, serving others, loving with all that I have…

Success is in my spirituality

Success is knowing that each person close to me in my life would be there to support me at any moment I needed

Success is knowing I raised two children to be loving, kind and unique individuals

Success is accepting that I don’t fit into a traditional mold

Success is embracing and celebrating being a wanderlust

 

We are responsible for measuring our own success in this life; our life

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

A World without Self-Help Books

As I sat in Barnes and Noble today leafing through an O magazine I started to feel myself get angry

This blog is not a criticism on Oprah or Brene Brown, Depak Chopra or Dr. Phil (all of whom was featured in some way in the magazine)

This is just an observation

This country is flooded with self-help books, books to help you self-actualize, Ted talks about courage and being vulnerable,  Gurus that will take your money and help you find the purpose of life….etc..etc..etc..

All of this for $19.99

These books are usually (not always) written by the privileged for the privileged

In the real world who has time to read this stuff?

The majority of people in this country are struggling to make it through each and every day

They go to work at reputable blue collar jobs; working long hours

They worry about how they can make enough to pay their bills… let alone buy their children anything

Many of them are single parents

They are tired and they are struggling and they don’t have the time or the money to buy books about becoming enlightened

They don’t have to because they are already enlightened

They are enlightened, courageous, strong, and vulnerable

Nothing is more enlightening then knowing life has real struggles

Nothing is more courageous than working multiple jobs at low pay to support a family

Nothing shows more strengthen then showing up each and every day to the life you have been given with a smile and sense of grace

Nothing is more vulnerable than having to ask for help when needed

How about we listen to their opinions on life

How about we pay our $19.99 to those who already have it figured out

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

P.S. My bit of self help adivce for free: Have real relationships with real people,  help, love, work hard and get off the pity pot. Look at all the money you just saved :)

Being Human: A Given or A Choice???

Being human

I am not talking about being human by morning and vampire by night or the Being Human TV series that I must say is the most ridiculous show I have ever seen…

I am not talking about being human in the biological sense

I am talking about being in human in the behavioral sense

I am growing weary of those who don’t understand this concept

People who think they are perfect

The strive and desire to be perfect robs people of their humanness

Often “Perfect” People are

People who are so in love with themselves they don’t notice anyone around them

People who think they are so important in their jobs that nobody else’s work matters

People who never apologize

People who don’t admit they are weak

People who are afraid to be real

People who have no compassion for others

I am pretty lucky if a day goes by without my humanness and imperfections showing up

I do the best I can each day given the situation I am dealing with…

Some those days my humanness and imperfections are  screaming out to be noticed…

Many of those days I make mistakes, I mess up, I need help, I am inadequate, I lack knowledge, I am weak, I get to say “I am sorry” multiple times and I get lost (physically and metaphorically)

Those days happen

But at the end of those days I remember how beautiful it is to have the ability to be human.

 

To learn from my mistakes, to self-reflect, to correct my wrongs, to learn to do things better, to strive to help others, to help myself, to love, to mess up, to laugh, to learn, to cry, to celebrate, to share and to be around those who love and support  me just the way I am

Being perfect isn’t being human….being perfect is a sad illusion and a robber of real life experiences and relationships

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G