Waking Up and Realizing I am a Spoiled Brat

The gift of returning home

Most of you know I have traveled a lot in the last four years….been to Scotland, Ireland, Nicaragua three times, Guatemala, Bolivia, Slovenia and I am just returning home from Kenya

There is always an adjustment period when I return from any trip but especially returning from developing countries

This morning I was texting my friend from Kenya and I was going through the list of struggles I have had this week….

My tenure file is almost due and I am freaking out I might lose my job, misunderstanding at work, other work duties piling up, my ex, my sleep…..my weight

I had a moment of pure disgust when writing the text

Half way through the text I thought…”Mary you are an asshole”

I actually finished the text with me telling him I was an ass

For the obvious reasons ….but I will write them down just to give myself a good ass whooping

I am working on a tenure file…..that is right… I am an Assistant  Professor at an amazing, private university and I have a PhD…I have the privilege and opportunity to go up for tenure

A  miscommunication at work…how wonderful… it means I have a job to miscommunicate at

My Ex….no comment

My sleep….as I lay in my queen size bed with a memory foam mattress and a trillion threads of cotton sheets  and can’t sleep….WOW huge suffering

I need to lose 10 pounds…..YAY I have enough food to eat to be ten pounds overweight

My life is awesome, kids are great…I am loved

What moved me to start complaining like this upon my return?

It is the huge disbelief and feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless about the amount of suffering there is in this world

I was trying to find a way to rationalize that I have struggles too

LMAO

Okay we all struggle and yes there are things here that are not good…. violence, rape, abuse, child neglect

But honestly it is nothing like what happens in some places in the world

I feel back to my old (hey no comment) self this morning as I write this….

I don’t need to search for struggles of my own…to try and make sense of the suffering in the world…

What I need to do and will do

Is to never close my eyes and mind to what I know is happening in the world…what I must always do is remember the privileges I have being a citizen in a developed country.... and what I will always do is use that privilege to advocate for those who don’t have the opportunities…here and in the world…

How about we do that together

Love and Peace to You all Today

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Being in Love in Kenya

 

Yesterday I did a workshop for adolescent girls and boys. I had them write down anonymous questions they may have had about relationships

Some pretty intense topics came out of those cards.....

One of the most interesting question that the kids asked me several times was....

What is love?

I have, as most of you know, written about love…

This question from kids and my time in Kenya has made me stop and re-evaluate what I think love is…

Some relationships here contain violence and assault…relationships worldwide contain violence and assault

What is love?

Reminders of what Dr. Mary G thinks love is

Love is not violent or assaultive

Loving someone should be holding someone up…being a better person for them

Love allows you to be imperfect and forgiving

Love opens the door to communication, even if the topics are difficult

Love is seeing through physical appearance

Love is unconditional

Love is an amazing and deep emotion that is hard to explain in words

I believe the above all to be true for me but I have recently been challenged on my definition of love…

Being in a different culture I have observed that many individuals here and maybe world wide don't express love like I do..

They may not openly show affection or be verbally expressive (just an observation, clearly this is not everyone)

But what I have observed is women carrying their babies on their backs for hours

Women washing clothes for their families hours by hand in the river

Men working long hours to earn a few shillings to provide food

People trying to provide basic needs for their families

People aging before their time.....struggling to survive

Teachers providing their own money to get students medical help; teachers who do not even make a living wage

Is this not love as well?

Many of us take our basic needs being met for granted

I hope to remember that love goes way beyond public displays of affection and soft spoken words

I can’t change who I am; affectionate and expressive... but I can remember that love is shown in many different ways by many people and it is just as valuable and important as the "I love you" and the hugs and kisses

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary Graham

 

 

 

The Understanding and Challenges

Those of you who know me know that I am a feeler…a processer…a thinker…

The first week in Africa has stretched me on all these levels…

Each day I come home with something new in my heart and mind

 

The love and tragedy of the people of Kenya.

Story after story

The story of a dead baby on the side of the rode…the story of domestic violence…the story of corruption and deceit from the government and police..

The story of women being separated from their children

Backstreet abortions

The incredible poverty that imprisons the slums of Nairobi

The ripped uniforms of the children

The hunger

The corruption of the government and police

The death by HIV

The death by Malaria

The death by so many curable diseases

Feeling isolated and alone

The blister on my heel from walking 6 miles a day through the slums

Being in the slums by myself not seeing another person that looks like me

The constant yells from the people

The aggressive man on the corner

At the end of this I felt like I was going to just sit down and cry…asking myself “What the hell am I doing in Africa by myself”

Then I was fed spiritually today and I remembered other things about my week

Faith

 

The power of the people

The love the people have for one another

The commitment to family

The reliance they have on each other

The strength of the women here

The smiles of the children

The love

The light

My pain and struggles are temporary in comparison to the people of Kenya and yet they hold faith, love and hope in their hearts…
In the darkness of what many Kenyans face everyday there is light

“If you don ‘t not believe that hearts can bloom suddenly bigger and that love can open like a flower out of even the hardest places then I am afraid that for you the road will be long and brown and barren and you will have trouble finding the light. But if you do believe then you already know all about the magic”  

I Believe!!!

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G