The World Did Not End in 2012....2013 Demands More of You...of Us

As many of you know I entered 2012 hanging on to the edge….

2011 was one of the more painful years in my life...

Heartbroken….sad…depleted on so many levels…I had definitely hit my low in 2011…

I entered this year (2012) determined to get my stuff taken care of…(to be fair to myself…I actually started my transformation July, 2011) but I was determined to have a good full year….

I did!!!!!!! Most of you have read my blog so you can figure out... step by step.... how I got back on my feet...

2012 was probably one of the top three “best and rock star awesome” years of my life…

I have had many great experience throughout my entire life…

So what made 2012 different…

I actually made a list of resolutions (reminders )in which I posted on my refrigerator and I looked at them almost every day for the entire year..

They were not crazy unattainable ones…they were just reminders of how I wanted to live…

Here are a few of mine from 2012:

Be Grateful

Thank God

Serve Others

Love

Save

Be Present

Cry When Need Be

Pray

Try As Many New Things as Possible

For most of this year I stayed present in the moment; I focused on everything good in my life (helps when sadness and difficult situations arise….which they did); I was of service to others; I found faith and spirituality; I prayed and talked to God....a lot; I let go; I cut negative people out of my life; I spent a lot of AWESOME time with my kids; I loved…loved…and loved….myself and others…

I also had a great time at work…I tried lots of new adventures….I traveled….I chose to focus on what was good in my life….even during the dark times of the year (this is life on life’s terms after all and dark times do happen…)

If you struggled in 2012....2013 can be different...I am sure of it!

It isn’t too late to live the life you want to live…internally and externally..

Overcoming adversity isn’t easy…making changes isn’t easy….sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy...looking for the good in every situation and every person isn’t easy….letting going and trusting God isn’t always easy….

But I did all these things this year and my year was amazing…

Make a 2013 “reminder” list and post it on your refrigerator….get your stuff together….it isn’t too late…you are not stuck…you can make changes…you can have the life you want….love yourself and others...you deserve it..

Love you and here is to having an awesome 2013!!!!

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

The Big Bad World

Safe in an unsafe, unloving and cruel world…

I have been thinking a lot about being in an unsafe, cruel and unloving world….I have recently heard many refer to the world in these terms...

I want to challenge you to think differently about your world…our world...

I feel safe, loved, hopeful and full of faith…

It is not because I have never had anything bad happen...

I have not been absent of violence, meanness or cruelty in my life…

My brother was murdered at the hands of a 14 year old carrying a gun….

All of my money was stolen out of my checking account...

My wallet was stolen from the grocery store…

People have said mean things to me; taken advantage; manipulated….hurt me…

Why don’t I scream at the top of my lungs “The world is unsafe”…"it is cruel…"It is evil…it is the apocalypse”

Because I remember all the kindness I have been given in my life

I remember how blessed I am…….

I got lost in Europe and strangers walked me back to where I needed to be…even though it was way out of their way...

I went to Guatemala for one month by myself and stayed in the home of a stranger who fed me, cared for me and worried about me….who helped me..

I got lost in Daniel Ortega’s neighborhood at night in Nicaragua with military all around me….I asked a woman to help me….she did…stayed with me until I was back at the place I needed to be…

I got my wallet stolen: people loaned me money to help me get by…

I was sick and people brought food and medicine to my house…

I needed a friend…people stepped up...loved me and listened..

I was alone for the holidays; people brought me in like one of their family members…

I did suffer great loss when my brother died; people loved me, called me, cried with me, held me…they were there for me…

These are just a few examples.....

I am not saying bad things don't happen...they do...they have to me and probably to you...

It is important; especially in bad situations.... to take time to look around and see the beauty of people; remember the goodness in your life... 

There is so much good in the world….there is safety…there is love…there is kindness…

Let’s not forget  the beauty in people; the beauty that surrounds us

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

The Wave of Tragedy

So many things to write about in the wake of this tragedy

I thought about writing about the goodness of people and love

I thought about writing about grief and loss

About holding the ones you love close…not wasting a moment…living life each day as if it is your last

About hope and faith

All valuable topics…all my truths….

What I settled on is writing about my disillusionment

I am not sure how many more tragedies we will face before we take action…how many more murders, rapes, robberies will occur before we wake up and really face what is happening…….

Guns are a symptom of the problem

Lack of mental health services is a symptom of the problem

Sensationalized media is a symptom of the problem

What is the problem……

We don’t communicate with one another anymore; we don’t trust anymore, we don’t have community anymore, we don’t respect one another anymore, we don’t listen to each other anymore, we don’t make time for each other anymore…we don't help each other anymore

We are a society of people who want to get ahead at all costs

Who will lie and manipulate to make money

Who will take advantage of each other in order to feel powerful.

We are a society of people who don’t care unless it directly impacts us….

We are a society of people who have no tolerance for the weak, the sick, the old, the mentally ill, the poor

We are a society who are selfish and self- absorbed……..entitled

I know there are many of you out there that don’t fit in this category….that are loving, giving and selfless…

It is no longer functional to disengage from each other and only take care of your own

It is no longer functional to manipulate, use and disrespect people to make money and gain power

It is no longer functional to ignore the weak, the sick, the old and the mentally ill

We are banned together now in the wake of this tradgedy but time will pass and we will go back to our lives and this will become a horrific memory…

The way you feel today about your neighbor, your fellow countryman, humans everywhere that are suffering is what you need to hold on to from now on…regardless of politics, religious opinion, differences...

Change is needed...

I am blessed this did not directly impact anyone I know or love but that does not mean it couldn't tomorrow...

The solution is with you………..The solution is with us

Please

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Playing the Lonely Hearts Club Band

Knock Knock

Who is there?

Lonely

Damn...........not who I wanted at my door!!!

Loneliness is a normal and universal emotion 

Everyone at some point in their lives....myself included...has felt the deep grip of loneliness…

Loneliness can trap people and hold them hostage…

Loneliness leads people  in doing things to fill the void …..relationship after relationship…alcohol…food…things way worse and more destructive...

None of this works......and often the loneliness increases...

Instead...

Try to fill yourself up with things that connect you to good people and healthy activities...

Church or a spiritual group, the gym, volunteering with others….something to get yourself out of that space; out of the frame of mind..

Hooray......If lonely isn’t visiting you right now….

But it doesn’t mean you don’t have a responsibility to your fellow human being

Reach out and connect with people…let them know you care….let them know they are not alone…be available, be present….be selfless…

Friend or stranger….we all need someone to smile at us; ask us how we are... to show us we are important and valued…

These small gestures can go a long way to keep loneliness out of our lives....out of my life and out of your life... 

I am blessed this holiday season that my cup is full....I am not visiting with lonely....

But....I still have a responsibility.......as you do...

Put your mittens on and get outside and connect with others....

Reach out if you need….reach toward if you don’t….

We have no other options this holiday season

 "The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Mother Teresa

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Life and Death...The Time is Now

I have a lot swirling around in my head….

I have for the last few weeks…

Life and death….

Within the last few months I have known of/heard of five people who have died….

One of cancer

Two of suicide

One from a heart attack

One from an accident

All of these people died…in my opinion……way before their time…

Of course a long time ago I let go of the idea that I ran the universe and that my opinion counted in matters like these…

 How many tragic reminders do I need....do we need

The questions I reflect upon.....

Am I living the life that I should be living or am I stagnant

Am I true to my ideals...

Could I be doing more...Should I be doing more...

Do I walk the walk…not just talk the talk

Am I reminding myself every day to be patient, kind and compassionate to myself, my family, my friends, strangers

Am I going the extra mile...

Do I remember what is really important…

Am I getting sucked up into a meaningless, materialistic and plastic life...

Am I behaving in ways that remind me of what is important…

These are interesting questions that I find myself in deep reflection over…

It is time to stop letting tragedy refocus my attention

For the most part I am living the life I feel guided to live…

But there are some big chunks of things I know I am called to do that can’t be put off much longer….

In my opinion I will have 40 more years of great living left….

My opinion isn’t what matters…and I can’t count on that time...

I have unfinished business to attend to and have a good understanding my actions from this point forward is what really matters...

We don't need any more tragic events as reminders.......Do we????

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

All in the Family Thanksgiving-Archy Bunker NOT invited

I have an extended family that I love so much

Guess what……….they love me too….

I have made an effort to get to know them and they have accepted me and love me as if I have always been with them…

I cried today a few times because I had to leave them…

They have embraced me in their lives as if we have always been close and I feel loved and accepted by each and every one of them and their families…

I have seen them once a year for the last few years…been blessed to spend the holidays with them

When I return each year…it is as if I have always been there…

I am squeezed and kissed and loved and fed lots of good southern food….

Isn't that how it is suppose to be....around and with the people we love

I could cry when I think about it….those feelings are hard to put into words

I cried when I hugged my 80 year old Aunt and my 77 year old Uncle and all my cousins goodbye...

I plan to see them next year but I can’t guarantee I will....

Time is limited for all of us…no matter how old we are…how healthy we are….we don’t know…

I cried a few seconds ago when I watched a sad movie on my flight home....about love, family and kids growing up…people leaving….lives ending and beginning….

I am feeling every emotional about the love inside and around me as the Thanksgiving holiday comes to an end.. having a clear understanding of what is really important to me

This week with my loving family reminded me of the importance of...

Two-way Relationships with  people who are good, kind and honest….

Relationships with real people, with my children, with my friends, with my family

As I get older I realize I have no energy for things that don’t matter

I could care less about what you own or what things you have; what you do for a living or who you know

With love and gratitude for all the real and genuine and kind people in my heart and in my life…I appreciate you and love you

If you feel that material goods are the most important thing…driven to get ahead at all costs….have no regard, real regard for others….

If you are unkind and uninterested in being real and genuine

I do have something for you

I have empathy

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

 

 

 

 

 

Are you in this thing called Humanity???

There is a solution

Every single one of us….every person reading this has had issues of some sort in their lives…

They may be new or old….may be occurring or resolved…

The announcement is…..each and every one of us are human beings with human problems

We face each other as equals

It does not matter what level of education a person has, what career they hold, how "good or bad" they are…

We all have…

Grief, loss, abandonment,  addictions, pain, sadness, hopelessness, isolation, despair, inner demons, past trauma, current trauma, divorce, relationships, violence, unemployment, hunger, loneliness, fear,

Each and everyone  of us have experienced some or all of these things….

Sometimes we feel like we cannot share with people what we are feeling or thinking…that we have to maintain a perfect exterior…

We don’t

You don’t

I don’t

Loneliness, despair and hopelessness can feel overwhelming….can feel suffocating

What I also know is that there is a solution

We are each other’s solution

We all have the capability and capacity of listening to one another and loving one another….to feel compassion for each other…to guide each other in figuring out where to go to get help…

My philosophy is pretty simple

Help and be helped…

Practice compassion, understanding, humility, honor those around me by listening, and practicing love and acceptance...

We are together in this thing called humanity…

I have your hand and I know you have mine...

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

 

 

Rising from the midst...Is that my God?

From the midst…

I was blessed to be led through a guided meditation this weekend; my first …a part of it ....the visualization of midst… I want to share some of what arose from the midst for me this weekend..

From the midst came…….

Prayer and meditation in a way that fits me and my spiritual side...

An individual understanding of God...the way I see...the way that makes sense to me...

The self knowledge of what a spiritual life is internally and externally for me

A sense of immense gratitude for fellowship, life, new and old friends, experiences and opportunities, sunshine, pie, good food, being a witness to healthy relationships, my children, fun, awareness, laughter, shared experience, love....

An understanding that adversity and struggle is inevitable in my life and I am not alone

I am not alone even in the absences of all other human beings

It is time for me to move on and allow……

Time for me to breath and listen

Time for me to look upon myself as I look upon others, love myself as I love others, forgive myself as I forgive others

Time for me to stop fighting

That everyday things can be special

My God is in many moments in my everyday  life......the gift to stop and witness it...

Awareness that I don’t have to have any of the answers.....WHEW

Some of my deeper experiences and thoughts will be kept close to my heart and will continue to be internally processed in the upcoming weeks....

What usually happens with me is when I have any experiences that are moving.....I light on fire and go full force into the “new” me....

I heard someone say this weekend that "fire always burns out"

I am looking toward this time as different...This time is different...continual growth...sustainability...

I come out of this with a sense of calmness, slowness and serenity....no urgency

I feel in my heart it is time to listen and be led...to love love love

I know that I don’t have to lock myself away for a weekend (with really good pie) to stay in this place…

What I will do is take time to breath, to slow down, to listen, to embrace my God moments, to be, to love and to be thankful and grateful and ask for help…

What I know is that you too can do this..in ways that work for you....not my way...but ways personal and meaningful to you

Ask for guidance and give thanks….breath and listen…and love

Let’s create a spiritual life (whatever that means to you)

A wise man said....A spiritual life is not a theory...it is actually a way to live

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Whispers of love and promises in my ear

Whisper sweet nothings….

Words or actions…words or actions…

I melt for words….I love to read them, speak them and hear them…

I love to write them

I swoon for them........or maybe not so much anymore.....

What I am discovering lately is that words are not everything….sometimes they are nothing

They can be full of anger

Empty promises

Untruths

Manipulations

They can be full of hurt

I have learned something about myself….I use to melt for words spoken to me...words of promise, love, commitment…words from “power people”, “church people”, “people I love”….

I don’t anymore…

I listen to the words of people but I watch for their actions....

I am cautious about melting for words alone…

If someone says they love me…do they behave that way…

If someone makes a commitment to me….do they follow through

If someone tells me they are honest …do they show me that ….

Show me what kind of person you are….don’t tell me….

Be the kind of person you want to be by actions not by words...

Close your ears and open your eyes with me...

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Flip the Switch

The lights went out…

The last few days I have opened my eyes to the dark…the fall and winter returning…

A sense of dread in my heart and sadness…

I laid in bed the other morning and thought about pulling the covers over my head and not getting up….

I made myself get out of my bed…and turn on the light..

When the dark comes…which it always does…

Weather changes, relationship changes, life changes, deaths, sadness, disappointment…

What do you do…

What I do is find my light switch…I go back to basics immediately

I eat right, I exercise, I get enough sleep, I get out of my head and try and help others, I stay busy, I stay close to those I love…those that love me…

I avoid staying in bed too long with my head covered up..... I know the longer I stay in the dark…the worse I will feel…the darker it becomes…

As darkness approaches in your life…whether it be the change of season or a life event…

Find the switch quickly and turn it on….go back to basics…don’t forget what brings light in your life…

Let’s plow through the dark together…hand in hand…if I forget to flip the switch…remind me….as I will remind you my friends..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Open the Damn Door

Locked Out

I got home tonight and discovered I was locked out.

My garage door was broken and all the doors to the house were locked….

You might ask…where is the key…well I had every key except the one to the screen door…the one that needed to be opened.

As I stood in the cold and wondered what to do…

A sense of calm came over me…

This was no big deal....it would all get worked out somehow…I would eventually get back into my house..the place I belonged...

What occurred to me when I was standing in the cold; locked out…was the many times I have been locked out in my life….

Locked out of the life that I wanted...

As if I was an observer not a participant in my life…I could see what I wanted...but I was so far away...out in the cold...

In the past when I was locked out of life I would fight…cry…get angry…be disappointed…be envious….blame others…

This never got me any closer to the “inside”.....where I wanted to be….

I finally got tired of being locked out of a life that I wanted...

I realized.... 

I was the only one on this planet that had the key to get in and that I was wasting my energy on blaming others…banging at the door…being angry…sad…disappointed…

I had the key to get myself to where I wanted to be…I just needed to use it...

It has been a journey but I think that I am ¾ of the way in…

A few things left to unlock and figure out but I am safe and comfortable and happy ….in the place I always dreamed of but could never get...

If you are banging on the door…locked out from the life you want or the person you want to be….

Stop…take a breath…cry if you need…be angry for a second if you need….then let it all go…make a plan..dig deep into your pocket…I know for a fact you have the key

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Did you just end a relationship...How Many Cats do You Own???

Heartbreak

I have written about love…what I want in love…but not so much about heartbreak...

What does heartbreak mean?

My 11-year old son assures me that a person’s heart cannot break…that a heart is a muscle and that it is all in someone’s head..

Maybe it is in a person’s head…but anyone who has had that in their head knows that it is more complicated than what an 11 year old boy describes…it can be devastating on so many levels...

It can hinder a person’s ability to trust

It can make a person close off to other people

It can make a person cynical and bitter

It can make a person never want to engage in another relationship again…

It almost did that to me when I experienced it…

I felt cheated…taken advantage of…I feel taken off guard..confused…angry…hurt…sad…and I almost slipped into being a cynical...bitter woman...who wanted to run out and adopt 20 cats...

The problem is that I hate cats (no offense to those who love cats...just my allergies) and sitting in bitterness and resentment is not my style..

What I did was

Took time to grieve

Took time to heal

Forgave…Really Forgave

Let Go

Accepted

And Learned…

Heartbreak is a part of the risk of being in a relationship…it is an opportunity to learn what worked...what didn't work...who we were and who we want to be...…next time..

Nothing or no one is worth closing yourself off; becoming resentful, or checking out...

As my heartbreak chapter closes...I can share this..
 

If you are dealing with heartbreak…be nice to yourself...take time…love yourself…hang out with your friends…forgive the person…really forgive the person…after all they were probably not worth your valuable time if they hurt you so badly…..don’t close off…learn and grow for the next time….and for godness sake…

Don’t adopt over two cats in the process!

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

disclaimer…cat lovers is a metaphor ;)

 

"Blind but now I see..."

 

The end of this week seemed to be settling down….feeling back to my normal, optimistic and happy self…

Then my sweet little 11 year old son broke my window…

For the love of Jesus…no really..... I said that out-loud!!!

After a week of dealing with a colleagues unexpected death.....a $300 dollar wheel replacement...an ending of a friendship....and.....a cold…I was like…ENOUGH!!!

I actually got a little teary eyed and called one of my best friends...

I assured her I was going over the edge…she assured me I wasn’t…

I told her I couldn’t take one more thing…she told me I could…

I want to share with you what she said…

“Don’t be depressed....it is just one more thing.....but everyone is healthy and happy and people love you....what more could you want?"

Around that same time I picked up my daughter and her friend from the store…

My daughter’s friend came out carrying flowers for me; a bag of Doritos for me (my favorite) and lots of frosting for a cake they were going to bake…for us…

Around that same time I saw a homeless women sitting on the ground digging in her bag…maybe for food…

Around that same time....my sweet little 11-year old son threw his arms around me and said he was really sorry he broke the window…I knew he was..

Around that time…my eyes opened

I saw what was important, what was real, what I had in my life…

Around that time I felt like I could drive around the rest of my life with that broken old window...

Realizing what I had....

Open your eyes with me….see what is really important

It is all as it should be…Today

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Try again later........Maybe Never

My daughter’s seventh grade teacher died a few days ago. He was in his early forties I believe; a battle with cancer…

My colleague and boss died last night; she was in her early sixties…..not quite sure the cause

I hate reminders like this…they are painful

Reminders that make me stop and ask myself….

What do I stand for ?

What is my life about?

What is the unfinished business in my life?

Who haven’t I told I love?

What amends haven’t I made?

Is this it? What if today was it?

I work  hard  not  to put things off anymore…

I attempt to live each day to the fullest…

Yet sometimes I slip back into the rut…my old ways...

The daily grind…when I don’t feel connected; feel like I am operating on auto pilot…feel like it doesn’t really matter…like I don't have a purpose...

Those are the days when I think “tomorrow will be better” “I have another chance”……”try again later”

Most of the time tomorrow is better and I have gotten lots of other chances and  have tried again later...

But

I cannot depend on that type of thinking anymore…

Today is my chance…my reminder to stay connected…to tell people I love them…to not waste a moment…to live my life…to determine what I stand for and go for it…to find my purpose

Let's  not try again later...

Don’t put off living……try again now.........Don't wait until the chance is gone

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Falling in Love with You

I never tire of writing about love….and….readers it has been a while since I have broached the subject

Love is so complex and confusing

Love is simple and easy

What do you think of love?

I don’t mean the “you are super hot and I break out in a sweat thinking of you” kind of  love….

I mean the  love in which….no matter what happens….you will always love that person…even if they don’t love you in return

I have seen it once in a relationship….the love movies are made of…but only one time have I been witness to that kind of love….the love in fairy tales…a gift from my parents

I have felt it for someone

What it was for me.......

What I hope it might be again someday…………..

Accepting the person unconditionally; even through the flaws and defects

Wanting to share my thoughts and feelings; happiness and sadness

When something good happened….wanting to reach out to that person first

When something bad happened…wanting to reach out to that person first

Wanting their happiness; success; serenity

Willing to put the work in needed in relationships

Weathering the storm and dancing in the rain

Laughing

Wanting to be the best person I have ever been

So many things in my heart …..that won’t find words

I think the idea of love is different for everyone

To me there are common threads for us all…equality; respect; give and take; consideration; support; negotiation; trust; honesty and loyalty…..

I hope my heart will be open to the kind of love I described again....someday

In the meantime….while I figure out this “romantic” love thing….

I am overwhelmed by the love of my friends, spirituality, family and life

It is not my wish to find love today…..it is my wish to give love today

"The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned"

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Now I lay me down to sleep....It isn't too late...

A nurse who worked with the dying recorded the top five regrets people had as they faced their inevitable death… ….I had read this before but lately I have really been thinking about my life and the understanding of the cycle of life.….here are my thoughts on the article…(link to article is shared at the end)

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I know this is true for people….I hear this repeatedly from those I come in contact with…

I wish I could….
I wish I would have...

What holds people back from living a life that is true to them…to following their dreams, to being who they hope to be rather than who they are “expected to be

What is holding you back???

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Work is not everything….work is a means to sustaining your life (food , shelter, transportation)

Work does not define a person; It doesn’t have to define you….you are more than a job…

Is work becoming the center of your world….are you working so hard that you have lost sight of what you value?

Is all my focus on working to get more……….stuff….

Are you missing the “real” stuff in life….in lieu of relationships, sunrises, walks with your children, time with people you love….

I enjoy my job but when I think of what I enjoy in life….work does not dominate my thoughts…

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Feelings are important!!!!!!!!!! Have them…embrace them and don’t fear them. Own them….

Sometimes they are not returned but what do you have to lose if you share them?

There is not one person in my life that I love that doesn’t know I love them….shared or not….

Take the risks…share your feelings…

If you are hurt…resolve it with people…if you need to say you are sorry…do it….if you love someone…tell them…

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Friends are so so important! Friends have saved my life. They loved me and laughed with me. They held me up when I couldn’t hold myself up.

 Lift up your head and look around…reach out to your friends…you don’t have to be without their love and support…

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

I don’t understand why some people don’t want to be happy. I think that sometimes people are afraid to be happy because it won’t last….or believe that they don’t deserve to be happy or have had such rough times in their lives that happy is an uncomfortable place.

Don’t fight happiness…you deserve it

I deserve it

Today I know….At this moment…I know…

I have lived my life true to myself

 I know that I have a balance between work and life

I have loved and shared my feelings....I have loved and spent some wonderful time with my children...been the best parent I could be...

 I have been in touch and spent some wonderful time with friends...

I am happy…happier than I have been ever…

Can you say the same??

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying