Dr. Mary Love

Love and Relationships

As the love month comes to an end I feel compelled to write on the topic

I purposely avoided it on Valentine’s Day 

 I find that to be one of the more ridiculous, commercialized and completely inappropriate holidays….

I may not believe in the concept of Valentine’s Day but I believe in Love and Healthy Relationships

I have been single on and off for the last two years

I have learned some very valuable lessons about love and relationships by experiencing the best and worst....

 

Here is what I have come up with over the past two years....

A relationship with another person does not need to be difficult; with the right person it can be more joy than pain, more happiness than sadness, more bright than dark

Desperately seeking love only ends in disaster

Love is in life....with or without a "partner"

It is so okay to be alone

Being alone does not make you unworthy, unlovable, or invaluable

Being with the wrong person is more lonely than being alone

Love is born from spirituality

The idea of being in ANY or wrong relationship “just so you have someone” is insane thinking

Fear and Love……….NOT the same……….shouldn’t be used in the same sentence……(afraid to be alone, afraid to grow old alone, afraid to be financial insecure….Oh my….think about this)

If you don’t love yourself, appreciate yourself……you will never be capable of being in the kind of relationship that you deserve……..one that is kind, compassionate, equal and awesome……you will always be chasing something that isn’t out there….something that is internal in you...

Love yourself…

Love your God....

Love your Friends and Neighbors...

Love your Family....

And you will never be alone……….

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary Amanda Love

Oh Poor Me....Look What I Sacrificed....

Sacrifice

What does that mean?

To me it means many things…

In no way do I mean sacrificing happiness, dignity, respect….

I don’t mean sacrifice and then complain about it…..that is being a martyr and really counterproductive…and tiresome

I am thinking about the sacrifice that happens out of love

Things we do…willingly….to make the lives of those we love easier... better, more full of joy…

We all sacrifice, rearrange, accommodate…..

Sometimes when people think of sacrifice they think of “going without”….

The thought of sacrifice sometimes makes people greedy and selfish…angry

Lately I have been thinking about the gains that are made in sacrifice….the gains I make...

I know we all have someone(s) in our lives that we would gladly sacrifice for….

I have several…

My kids, my mom, the man I love, my friends

Those people are easy to sacrifice things for…why…..because of love...If I have something they need (emotional or physical)  and it will make their lives brighter....then so be it..….makes me feel happy to “go without”

I don't even think about it...it doesn't feel like I am "going without"

But how about the sacrifice for others we don’t know; others we don’t love….strangers..

How does that work…

For me it works if I take time to think about the needs of others every single day….

To observe what is going on in my community…..what is around me…

To get out of my own head….out of my own stuff….focus on others…

There is nothing material in this world that cannot be replaced or that we can’t live without….

Take a second and try the whole sacrificing for others thing….you might find it highly rewarding…

What harm will it do to think of the needs of others…

Maybe starting tomorrow….”go without” something so someone might feel comfort…and love….

To me giving quietly and unconditionally feeds my soul….so really I reap the rewards...

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

 

Sitting with Someone in Grief

There is no grief like the grief that does not speak-Longfellow

Grief comes in many forms….loss of perceived life, death, divorce, tragedy….

Grief is an emotional response to loss….

My heart has been heavy for a couple of weeks….lots of people I know have suffered loss, tragedy, sickness….

Grieving over people…things…relationships….loss…loss…loss…

It has made me think about how I have gotten through the tough times in my life…

Prior to a couple of years ago….I didn’t really “get through” them….didn’t know how to grieve

I use to suffer in pain and silence

I tried everything I could do to mask the pain and pretend it wasn’t there…

I use to be good at putting on a happy face….stuffing it down and then just forgetting about it…

I use to believe that if my life “looked” put together and good….then it was….

I use to think that given my education and training I should be above “falling apart” (I call that doctor’s stupidity)

If you are suffering, grieving and experiencing sadness…

             Be honest with yourself….

Be honest with your friends and support system….if you are suffering… tell someone about it…don’t hide, don’t be embarrassed and don’t be afraid…if those people shut the door on you then find someone else to lean on

Find a power greater than yourself to lean on....spirituality….what works for you…

Stay in the moment….no projecting back and no projecting forward….in this moment…

Cry Cry Cry Cry

Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

Pray Pray Pray

             Eat healthy and sleep

             Talk Talk Talk

When my heart feels heavy and grief sets in…. I say it out loud….I call or text my friends (you know who you are) about it…. I am honest with people about it… I ask God to help me….I pray…I cry and I talk about it…I take care of my basic needs.  

I am not afraid to ask for help.

Grief is normal and we are human….

There is no easy fix....what I can do...what we can do... is sit with someone in grief...just be present...

There is no grief like the grief that does not speak-Longfellow

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G