Why Freaking Why???????????????

Are you spending too much time wondering Why?

I have wasted a lot of time wondering Why at different periods in my life.

Why did I get the short end of the stick in childhood?
Why did I have more struggles and barriers growing up than others?
Why was I given a childhood of poverty and disarray?
Why did someone I loved with all my heart....the "one" not love me back?
Why did my father die when I was young?
Why did my brother get killed when he was young?
Why is the world the way it is…why why why why why….

Are you noting a theme...always asking why bad things happen...looking to make sense of it...

I don't ask myself
Why I have two beautiful children..
Why I am loved by many friends and family
Why I have a rocking career
Why I have wonderful adventures
Why I am so blessed to travel the world

So much easier to take for granted the good and drive ourselves crazy over the bad...
Focusing on the Why Why Why when bad stuff happens

There are no good reasons why some things happen…..good or bad

Things happen in life…... Good things happen and bad things happen…

Sometimes good people are hurt and bad people seem to be rewarded….

I realized there will never be a good answer, an answer that satisfies me to some of these painful experiences..

Now acceptance is finally my answer

Someone in my life recently said to me “Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. You can accept a situation as being what it is and that doesn’t mean that you are happy about it or you have to agree with it”

When I heard this quote…the earth shook and time stood still……..REALLY…I can accept something as being what it is and not have to like it or approve of it..

What I have come up with for me is simple

I  try and accept good and bad…I may not like the bad but I can accept it if I have no control over it…

The things I can change for the better I will and the things I can’t change that I don’t have control over I can accept and let go…

Change what you can…accept what is…stop driving yourself crazy asking Why

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Seeing what is Real...Relationships

I have written a lot about relationships in my blog. Relationship with myself, relationship with friends, relationship with my higher power and relationships with my partners

What are my latest relationship lessons?

Shallowness and Selfishness don't work for me...

I would rather go an entire lifetime without speaking to another human being than being engaged in something that was shallow and lacked depth…

Webster defines shallow as:

·         Having little depth

·         Having little extension inward or backward

·         Lacking depth of feeling, thought or knowledge

I agree with this definition and I won’t have these type of relationships in my life

As I come to the middle of my life I am searching for new things in relationships. I am searching for those I can emotionally connect with. Those who are authentic, congruent and accepting….those I can sit with in silence and feel at ease…

Those I can say completely insane things to and they completely understand…and relate…

I don’t care what job an individual has or who their family is or what type of income or education they have…

I care about the important stuff…..can someone relate, emote, share, listen, love and trust…

I care about human spirit and kindness

I recently lost a relationship which had many of these qualities...the loss was painful

In reflecting about this loss I realized that even though it had many of the qualities I desired..... it was also very one-sided and selfish (me not being the selfish one)

My two relationship lessons for now are I can’t be involved in relationships that are shallow or one-sided and selfish...

I don’t want to drown in the shallow end of the pool nor do I want to be walked on as if I am a door mat or give until I have nothing left to give...

What I want and deserve is...What we all deserve is....

Love and Relationships in which we feel unconditionally supported; that  are committed, two-sided, honest, supportive, accepting, respectful, equal and deep....

Join me in finding equal, committed, two-sided and deep relationships with friends, colleagues and partners..

Those are the relationships that matter....We matter!!

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Green Green Grass

Have you ever heard the phrase "The grass is not always greener on the other side"?

It refers to always wanting what we don't have....

For a long long time I said that exact phrase to myself.....Why?

It was a way to rationalize the situations I was in…..to justify my unhappiness….the attitude of “it could be worse”…

Mary Mary be happy with what you have….stop wanting what you don’t have….

What is wrong with wanting what you don't have....can't I be grateful for what I have but also want more for myself???

First of all…whoever created that phrase I have this to say to you:

STOP BEING AFRAID…..how do you know the grass is not greener on the other side if you are too afraid to travel to that side and see for yourself…

It is safer to stay in one place and rationalize misery….I know I did that for many many years about many many things…

One day no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stay put so I decided to jump the fence and start a new life….

Guess what????

The grass was greener on the other side for me…..it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be to check it out….I actually liked it on the other side…decided to put down some roots and build a new house and stay for a while…not out of fear but out of hope and happiness…

I didn't forget about my old grass...I took with me what worked in my life and left the rest behind...

This isn’t about being ungrateful and always seeking what we don’t have….its about asking ourselves some hard questions…

Questions about our emotional and physical health, our relationships, our spirituality….our inner selves…

Looking for greener grass for me was not looking for outside things but inside things…

Looking for what created wellness and happiness in my life....it was about growth and change...

I am no longer afraid of change; I am no longer  afraid of living life to the fullest

I am not afraid of exploring, telling people my true feelings, asking for help when I need, loving myself and others..

Think about this….can’t you cherish your grass and also look on the other side….look toward things that will make you happier, spiritually fulfilled and serene…

Why does it have to be one side or the other….break the fence down…don’t be afraid to stretch yourselves...

Don't be afraid of growth and change

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Control yourself or be control...what do you decide?

The closest to being in control we will ever be is in that moment that we realize we are not-Brian Kessler

Control less and trust more…

The condition of becoming a dumbass....Ignore the dumbass or become the dumbass...(for sensitive readers I will refer to this condition as DA)

What does that mean to you?

What it means to me is practicing new behaviors

 Realizing that I am not in control of people, places, things or DA(s)

I have come to let go of controlling others and I work only on controlling myself…..life is so much better this way

I  recognize that I have no control over anyone or anything except myself…I can argue with someone, pray that they will change, get angry, become codependent, cry, have temper tantrums, plead, beg, laugh, bribe and tickle….but the bottom line is…

That is a huge waste of my time and energy

The days that I forget I don’t control the universe are the days in which I am the most miserable human being to be around….I don’t even want to be around myself…

Those are the days where I argue with people and try to fix everything and those are the days I become a big old DA...supersized DA (hard to believe I know)

The days I remember to focus on my choices and how I conduct myself are days filled with serenity, peace and happiness…true joy...

Ask yourself this question:

Am I trying to control people, places and things….am I trying to control the universe?

Have you ever said to yourself “if they just did it the way I thought it should be done then I wouldn’t be so miserable"?

If you have…that’s okay…I have done that lots of times….we are human

What I do differently now is disengage from people, places and things that cause me grief and heartache and misery and I allow the process to run its course in those situations...I don't run that course anymore

I try and focus on myself and how I want to behave and how I want to respond. I choose to represent myself to the world as a serene, happy and free person….not all bound up with control issues..

Life is too short to act like a DA J

 Come with me and let's focus on what we can control….ourselves

The rest of the universe will fall into place as it should be...

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.