Rules to Live By...Going Back to the Basics

I have written about a lot of things in my blog. I have written about love, relationships, family, personal growth and friendship. The last few years as you know I have had ups and downs. When I reflect on my life I realize how lucky I am and how grateful I am to have had the love of such wonderful people. Here are some solid life rules I have come to believe to be true. My disclaimer is that I have discovered these through personal experience, life and love. All may not apply to you and they are listed in no particular order:

1.      Material items mean nothing

2.      Never judge another person; you have no idea what they are dealing with in their lives

3.      Work should not be your primary focus

4.      Forgive others; it is the only way to move past anger, resentment and blame

5.      Forgive yourself

6.      Find a good life partner; a person that compliments you, supports you, accepts you unconditionally and loves you

7.      Don’t live in fear…that is not living

8.      Take risks, healthy, fun and adventuresome risks

9.      Don’t be trapped by guilt and shame…move on

10.  Stop worrying about what other people think about you

11.  You are accountable to yourself. If you are spiritual you are accountable to your higher power; nobody else

12.  Show as much compassion to yourself as you do your friends, family and neighbors

13.  Give to others

14.  Don’t let real love slip away; fight for it

15.  Find your passion and go for it

16.  Life is about choices. If you chose wrong then chose again

17.  Don’t accept what can be changed

18.  Love, love, love

19.  Say you are sorry to your children

20.  You are not perfect; you never will be

21.  Fate is not the only thing to consider; get off you fanny and make things happen

22.  Surround yourself with happy and healthy people

23.  Exercise

24.  Eat chocolate

25.  Eat lots of chocolate

26.  Take naps

27.  Take naps with someone you love

28.  Take naps with your kids

29.  Laugh

30.  Laugh at yourself

31.  Lighten up…nothing is worth that much emotion

32.  Tell the people in your life how you feel about them

33.  Communicate your true and honest feelings…don’t be afraid…do it

34.  Trust in yourself

35.  Trust in others

36.  Be okay with being wrong

37.  Be okay with admitting you are wrong

Life is about living and these basic rules serve as a guide for my life. Do I break them? Yes I have broken every single one of them on my list. I have broken lots last few days.... but what I always go back to are numbers 5 and 12. I forgive myself today and am showing compassion to myself today. Back to the basics tomorrow....

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

EXCUSE ME!!

“The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that’s the day you start to the top”

Excuses Excuses Excuses

I myself have been guilty of falling into the trap of excuses.

I have pretty much overcome excuses for myself. I don’t blame others for me not doing what I want to do or what I need to do…I am living my life now with no excuses and it feels empowering…

I have always wanted to travel…I am traveling now…no more excuses…

The one area of growth is getting trapped by the excuses of others…I still get sucked into that vortex…

Either validating their excuses or making excuses for their behaviors..

If someone is treating me badly I try and excuse their behavior by saying “they are having a hard time” “life is difficult for them” “they don’t communicate well”

While all this may be true (most of the time it is) that does not mean I have to sit around and be treated badly by someone…friends, family, partners, strangers, or colleagues….

Making excuses for someone is different than having empathy for someone. We all have tough times. I empathize for people but I also don’t want to get trapped anymore by making excuses for people or validating their excuses.

So how do I balance this…

I have decided that if I am being treated badly or I perceive I am being treated badly, it is my responsibility to disengage. I am giving myself permission to empathize with someone’s situation but I will no longer make excuses for their behavior.

I am also committing to not listening to excuses anymore. The repetitive, same old tired story...

Excuses are based on fear...life can not be lived in fear.

 People, like I, have choices. Acceptance or not…wanting something and making excuses on why you can’t have this or that is not acceptable…

If you want something …take a chance….take a risk…stop making excuses…stop being afraid...OR…stop complaining about it and accept it…

Life is about choices not excuses

Choose to live your life for you…no regret…no excuses…no fear..nothing is impossible…stop telling yourself it is…

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Lots Learned in Two Days

I have learned a lot about myself the last couple of years but I think I have learned the most about myself the last six months and maybe the most to date about myself over the last forty-eight hours.  

Over the last couple of years I have learned that I have value and my happiness is important. Just as important as anyones..

The last six months

I have learned that there are good relationships to be had and that those should be coveted.

I have learned what unconditional love and acceptance is..

I have learned that the best relationships I have had have been based on solid friendships and genuine concern for the well being of the other before myself…

I have learned to forgive myself and love myself and accept myself as a flawed but fantastic person.

I have learned that I am passionate and emotional and learned to embrace that…what can I say....I am a Scorpio!

I have learned to face my fears and fight them

I have become spiritual

I have been dealt with some shocks and held my ground…stayed steady

I have learned that I am a strong, bad ass woman

I have learned that love is real

The last 48 hours

I have learned that no matter how good  a situation is or how wonderful a person is that nothing is certain

I have learned to deal with ambiguity.

I have been reminded that perceptions in the same situation vary and reminded to appreciate that variety.

I have learned that I don’t like saying goodbye.

I learned that being vulnerable is not being weak

Most of all I learned that there are still some incongruencies  between what my life is and what I want my life to be..

 I learned that I don’t want to wait anymore to address those inconsistencies.

What will I learn from my next 48 hours....

I wonder

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Compassion..Say What?

As I stood on the street corner I watched person after person walk over a homeless man as if he were garbage…

Would people walk over me as if I were garbage if I were lying in the street?

No they wouldn’t…wouldn’t because I don’t appear to be “indigent”...

What does appearance have to do with human compassion...why does how a man or a woman look matter?

Have you walked over a person...homeless or not...different than you and refused to look at them...been disgusted by them...not even thought about them?

Compassion…where has human compassion gone?

What does it mean to show compassion and respect to others?

 I find myself bothered by several things. Really bothered…

The lack of compassion that I see from one person to another

The lack of time and energy put into relationships

The amount of waste that happens

The lack of investment in the lives of people around the world

I know that most of you reading this are caring, kind and helpful people.

I also know that most of you, myself included, get wrapped up taking care of our daily lives....we feel stretched..

Caring for our loved ones...our jobs, our homes, our friends, ourselves….all things that need tended…all important things..

I am grateful I have loved ones, a job, a home and friends to tend to...not everyone has what I have...many people do not have what I have...

What about those who are homeless, hungry, abused...how are we showing kindness, compassion and respect for them?

I don't care about the age old argument I have found myself in over and over again about  how or why they are homeless, hungry, struggling with addiction or mental illness...choice, not a choice...I don't care...I don't care...I don't care..I don't care to have that argument anymore.

What I really care about is how we are helping the homeless, hungry, and abused. How are we showing that we have compassion, respect and love for them.

How do we sustain that everyday…helping someone....

It isn’t about the one trip a year to build houses or the volunteering once a month…those are wonderful things…not to be minimized...

What I want to know is what we are doing in our everyday lives..

Is it possible for us to take a few moments everyday of our lives from this day forward to show respect, kindness, empathy and practice understanding to someone we may have overlooked?

Share a smile, a kind word, eye contact, a cup of coffee.

Stop and look around; take a few minutes every day to practice compassion.

Don’t walk over a person as if they are garbage in the streets….as if they are invisible.

People are not invisible…

Make eye contact, smile, let them know you care and hope things get better for them…take a moment to listen to someone…

Every human being wants to be treated with love, kindness, respect and compassion…we all want to feel as if our story matters to someone…

Practice this everyday...to the neighbor...the clerk...the gentlemen sitting in the rain on the corner....

Don't do it  to get your name on a plaque or for a tax deduction...do it because... people are worth it...people need it...people deserve it...

Practice compassion and respect with me

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Another Lonely Day

Another lonely day....only by choice

What do you do when you face hard times in your life? I am facing more challenges in my life. Another mountain to climb…

When I thought I had it all figured out…out of dark sky came a bolt of lightning.  

Why the constant fight, the ups and downs of life. The sorrow…sadness and pain.

I told myself that I was to old to be dealing with some of this stuff…to tired to be dealing with some of this stuff…to sad to be dealing with some of this stuff.

I remember to feel pain is to live...

What did I want to do…I wanted to throw myself down on the floor, scream and kick and cry…just like a child who had their feelings hurt for the first time.

What did I do…

I accepted and am accepting that just because I want something in my life doesn’t mean that I get it…

I accepted and am accepting that I am not to blame for everything that goes wrong on my life’s path; sometimes things just happen…

I accepted and am accepting that my sadness should not be fought but should be experienced  and embraced and that when I am ready I will let it go…

I accepted and am accepting that for whatever reason….I am meant to climb another mountain…alone and on my own….

I accepted and am accepting that when I reach the top of this mountain that the sun will shine down on me and I will have renewed strength to love, live and laugh.

I accepted and am accepting that I am a powerful, loving, intelligent and strong woman who can and will climb another mountain and with each step, no matter how painful, I will not lose sight of the top.

I refuse to stop climbing.

Another lonely day...only by choice

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Second Chances

Needing one more chance, a rewind, a redo…

 Do you ever feel like that? A sense of dread comes over you. Maybe because of mistakes you made or life circumstances. Some things that are in your control or things that are out of your control… forces you to take a look at where your life is…

How would I utilize a redo…a rewind…a second chance...

I would make the most of it…I would realize that there is no rewind, there is no redo but there is always a second chance.

I would focus on what is really important. I would focus on relationships with others. Relationship I have with myself.

I would forgive myself and others, unconditionally.

I would cherish every single day as if was my last…remind myself that it could be my last…

I would stop wasting time on making foolish mistakes…stop being unhealthy..take charge of my destiny..stop putting things off...

I would be in touch with spirituality in a way that I hadn’t been before…

I would believe that anything was possible..

I would let go of the past…let go of yesterday…

I would stay in the moment..stay in the day…

I would love, love, love…love myself, love my partner, love my kids, love my friends...love... as if that was my only job in life…

What if I did get that second chance…

Maybe I don’t "wait" to get a second chance…maybe in this moment…at this time in my life…I say that I am going to create my second chance...

I believe I deserve a second chance...

I believe we deserve a second chance…let's take it...let's start…we start now..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Knowing Right from Wrong

Simple concept? Not always. Not for me anyway. I know the basics of right from wrong. I know all the stuff we were taught when we were children. Don’t lie, steal, cheat, hurt people. Say you are sorry if you do something wrong. Don’t do it again. Play nice with others, share….

All these are easy concepts for me. What has not been easy for me up until now is knowing right from wrong with  bigger life choices.

How do I know if I am in the right relationship, the right career, making the right life choices? I have struggled with these questions. What does that even mean, the right relationship, the right job, the right life choices?

When to stay, when to go?

My solution is simple. I now trust my instincts. I trust my gut for making those decisions and I don’t let the worry of what other people think control me.

 I don’t care anymore about what other people think of me. That has taken me a long time to resolve.

The fear of what others thought, or the judgement of others, kept me imprisoned for some time.

I don’t care anymore if people think I am smart enough, have a good enough job, have enough money, dress nice enough. I don’t care anymore if people think I have completely lost my mind.

What I care about is how I feel about myself.  I am learning to trust my instincts and only my instincts. I understand my needs.

People who care about me for who I am could care less who I am dating, what kind of house I live in or what kind of job I do. People who care about me for who I am love me for my heart and spirit. I finally love me for my heart and spirit.

Making the right decision doesn’t matter anymore. Making the decision that fits with me is what matters. There is no right or wrong. We are human beings and we make mistakes and that is how we, that is how I, learn and grow.

Make decisions based on what your instincts tell you….trust in yourself, accept and love yourself, you won’t be disappointed.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G