Would you date yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with you? If I had to date myself the last several years I am sure I would have broken up with me, blocked my number and gotten a restraining order.
It has occurred to me that sometimes I am not a very good dater of me. What I mean by that is that I don’t often put my needs first or take care of my wants. I find myself taking care of everyone but me. I take care of and give to my children, friends, family members, my career and even the mailman (get your mind out of the gutter) better than I take care of or give to myself. I give to people until there is nothing left to give. I treat a stranger nicer than I treat myself.
Why is that? Was I socialized to do that? Is it a nature vs. nurture issue? Am I overcompensating for something missing in my life? Here is the answer……….I don’t care why…………it has to stop. Taking care of everyone but yourself and leaving nothing for you is not the answer. It does not make you a better person, partner, mother, father, son, daughter, friend or colleague. In fact I think it makes you more ineffective in those relationships. It makes you codependent and it make you a martyr.
When you have given nothing to yourself how can you fully give to others without resentment, sadness, anger and disappointment?
Ask yourself when was the last time you put your needs and wants ahead of everyone else around you? I am not talking about the occasional “girls or guys” night out. I am addressing a balance between caring for yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually as well as caring for those around you. If you really want healthy happy relationships with others then you need to first develop a healthy and happy relationship with you. After all if you don’t like yourself, want to date yourself, spend time with yourself….who else will?
Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.
I personally have dated and taken advantage of just about every relationship with the opposite sex I have been in. I for one did not know how to give without expecting to get something in return. It was as if I was only on the date for me (imagine that!). Having been raised a bit of the "old school " machismo way was, I believe, the primary contributor to this way of wrong thinking. Barefoot, pregnant and cooking in the kitchen was what my expectation of a woman was. It was impossible for me to see it any other way. You couple that with a great deal of ego and pride, and you get a lethal concoction of sick repetitive relationships. Ego must be smashed! So it was and much has changed. I no longer have to be the center of attention, I can live and let live, interdependantly.
ReplyDeleteWould I date myself? In a heartbeat!