Wanting to be a Cleaver?

I recently journeyed home. A trip that always brings up a lot of stuff for me. Stuff I try to ignore otherwise. Stuff that I will surely deal with as this blog progresses.

Where to begin when digging into family issues….

When I was a kid I always wondered how it would be to grow up in some of my friend’s homes.  To have had their lives? I imagined that my friends who lived in big houses, whose parents were well educated and had lots of money had the “perfect” family.  A family just like the Cleavers; you remember Beaver, Wally, June and Ward?   

I wondered how it would be to go on vacations with your family, sit around by the fireplace reading and playing family games. I wondered how it would be to even have a fireplace. I wondered how it would be to have a stay at home Mom who baked cookies instead of having to work to feed the family and pay bills. I wondered how it would be to have medical and dental insurance. To not worry about having enough money for school supplies and clothes.

Perceptions can burden us. The perception of the perfect family has burdened me throughout my life. Recently, I started to talk to some of my friends who I thought had “perfect” families. Come to find out, they didn’t. Often times people are just skilled at hiding the imperfections from the outside world.  

I have come to realize that my parents did the best they could given the circumstances they had to deal with in their lives. They were not perfect and my childhood was far from perfect. It is a part of me and has made me the person I am today. The good and the bad.

I am far from perfect and I too am doing the best I can given the circumstances I am dealing with when it comes to my own family. I think I have a balance somewhere in between Rosanne Barr’s Family and The Cleavers.  I try to remember that the perception of the perfect family doesn’t exist. I also remind myself not to get stuck wishing and hoping I would have had the “perfect” family or feeling guilty I haven’t created the perfect family for my children. That kind of thinking takes me and you nowhere and wastes our time. When I mess up, I fix it and we all go on as a family. I attempt to amend and not make the same mistakes over and over again.

 I also try to remember that June Cleaver was most likely taking prescription pain medications with alcohol chasers; Ward was staying late at the office sleeping with the secretary; Wally was upstairs attempting to numb his pain through street drugs and Beaver was dealing with issue of sexual identity and orientation with no support from his family or friends.

Let’s not get stuck on wishing we were the Cleavers or anyone else for that matter. We are who we are….we were all raised in some level of dysfunction….the perfect family doesn’t exist….it didn’t exist yesterday, it doesn’t exist today and it won’t exist tomorrow.  What does exist and is real is our desire and attempts to do the best that we can do as mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, wives and husbands.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.