Oh My God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Have to do.....

My To Do List this Week:

How many times have you complained about having to do a bunch of tedious…seemingly unimportant things for the week…as I enter this week I have thought of all the things I have to do…

Have To:

Clean the house

Do the Laundry

Finish some articles

Commute to Seattle

Teach

Entertain my Kids on Summer Break

Grade Papers

And so much more…………………UGH

Wait a second…..on second thought…I am able to…..I actually get to….

Get To:

I get to clean a house; a house that keeps me safe and warm

I get to do laundry….in the convenience of my house….and wash nice clothes

I get to actually finish some articles that I am going to submit to be published in a professional journal that somebody might read and learn from

I get to drive my car to Seattle….a car that is paid for and safe and gets me from place to place

I get to teach and help people understand how to be effective and sensitive counselors….I get to have maybe a small influence on how my students might view the field of counseling and their clients

I get to spend fun time with my healthy kids, hanging out, visiting, talking and loving them

I get to read papers that students took the time to write and entrust me with…what an honor

I get to do so much more this week….things I don’t even realize yet….how exciting

HOW AWESOME is it that I get to do so many things this week and that I am able and willing to do these things…

Can you change your Have To list to a Get To list???

Be a person who lives with a "I get to do things attitude"…………not a "have to attitude"….makes things much more joyful!!!

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary Amanda Graham

The Problem: Me or You????

I believe what people tell me….I trust them….I believe in them….I give them the benefit of the doubt…

Is that a problem?

I don’t know…

For 42 years I have trusted people, taken them at face value and believed what they told me…

I have accepted people, loved people and given myself completely to friendships and relationships…

I have been taken advantage by friends, family and strangers because of my innate sense of acceptance and trust

Does this make me a fool???

Maybe

I don’t know anymore

In the past when I have faced situations in which I have felt taken advantage of…lied to or used…I have just separated myself from the issue...not personalized...

I have risen above

I have forgiven

I have always given a second chance

I have never been tainted by the experience

 My options

I can maintain my sense of love, trust, acceptance and support of people

OR

I can turn into a tainted, cold hearted and closed up, bitter person...

That sounds tempting...

Who am I kidding?

Hurt feelings, awareness, taken advantage of…it is what it is…

What it isn’t is a reason for me to throw the towel in on people or relationships….

It is an opportunity to reflect, grow and learn another life lesson

Eyes wide open...lesson learned

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary Graham

Battery Operated...No Talking Back

Stop the Relationship Insanity

So we have covered how to love….or at least how I love

Let’s cover the relationship part

I ask you this......

Why do people have this crazy need to be in unhealthy relationships....

I know many people who will admit openly to not liking, loving or wanting to be  with their partners…

I know many people who are desperately seeking someone because they don’t want to be alone…or grow old alone...

I know many people who meet someone, then the next someone, and the next and the next...and each one is coincidentally “the one"

This all seems crazy and rushed and not real...

I ask people why they behave this way....or stay when they are unhappy or being treated badly

 I  hear they are afraid to be alone; afraid they won’t meet anyone else; afraid of being financially insecure…afraid of growing old by themselves…

I relate to all of those fears…believe you me..

But I know those fears are not my reality

What I know for me is that I have been very very alone and still in a relationship

What I know  for me is that I have met tons of people

What I know is that being financially stable is a temporary thing that can change for any of us…partnered or not

What I know is that even if I do have a partner…that doesn’t guarantee they will outlive me…

Each person has to do what works for them in regards to relationships

For me it means not getting swept away in irrational, crazy thinking about what a relationship is or is not...

The process of relationships for me is drama free; not desperate; not needy and not full of irrational fear…

It is definitely not urgent or rushed...

For me it means taking a deep breath...relaxing...and not being afraid...

For me....It is perfectly acceptable just to be....

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

The Road Map of The Heart

What are your guidelines around love?

Here are a few of mine

Listening: This means really listening to understand....

When I love someone I strive to listen for understanding…not to rebut or challenge or out of righteouness...

 Giving: I give myself freely to those I love

I balance taking care of myself so I can give to others. Giving in a loving relationship does not mean you give everything you have…that isn’t loving

Eventually that builds up resentment and bitterness. It is difficult to deeply love someone you have resentments and bitterness toward...

Authenticity:  So important for me to be myself with those I love...

I love people for who they are….being real is very important to me….real does not mean perfect

Forgiveness: When I think about the people in my life that I truly love; I understant forgiveness

I cannot imagine not forgiving someone I truly love...

 A part of love and forgiveness for me is letting go of the hurt; not holding it in my pocket to pull out later when I am angry

Respect:  Big complex word but in regards to love…it is simple.

To me respect in love means thoughtfulness and consideration for another

Humor: I show love by laughing with someone..

Passion for Life: I love to live, experience and grow….

Love to me is sharing my passions with another and being interested in what they are passionate about…

Sharing: When I love someone I share good and bad with them; hope and despair

Loving someone for me is plain and simple. I give, I am real, I accept, I laugh and I share myself….good and bad

How I show love comes from my inside self mostly…outside stuff doesn’t matter to me…

What I give to those I love I hope to get back in return....

 It doesn’t always work like that….

But what I can do is take care of how I love people in honesty, truth, sharing, with respect and humor…

Take care of how you love people and see what happens…sometimes love isn’t returned and that is okay…

The gift in all of this is to be able to love another...returned or not...

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

The Blame Game

Have you ever played this game….

Seems satisfying at first…even fun….then…the more you play…the less fun it gets...instead of wining cool prizes and money you win things like built up resentments and bitterness…

Anytime I have played this game I have lost

It is a hard game not to get sucked into….sometimes you are playing it and you don’t even realize it…

The blame game can be addicting…

It can start small with irritation and frustration toward others…over places and situations…over things we can’t control

Blaming your ex-boyfriend or husband  for being a terrible person, ruining your life, making you miserable…

Blaming your mom for ruining your childhood (mom’s always get the blame)

Blaming your parents for every wrong adult decision you ever made…

Blaming your kids for not listening or doing what they needed to do

Blaming the universe for the rain and gloom

Blaming your friends for taking advantage of you

Blaming everyone for everything

Then as the game progresses you suddenly realize that winning isn’t a good thing….

That the only prize for wining is misery, bitterness and resentment….

Damn right  you probably have the right to blame...

Things to be bitter and resentful about….I am sure you do…we all do…

It isn’t about having the right to be bitter, resentful and blaming others…

It is about understanding that the blame game is a losing battle and that the only one hurt

is you…

Stop playing the blame game…let go…and join me in Monopoly…

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.