Are You Drowning? Save Your Own Self This Time

If you didn’t know how to swim would you jump into the deep end of a pool to save someone from drowning?

Okay that is a loaded question….maybe you would…depending on who it was but we are not talking about people really drowning…

This is just a metaphor....

I have a tendency to jump into the pool and try and save people from drowning….even at times when my "swimming" skills are lacking...

People who are emotionally drowning

I do this by being emotional supportive, financially supportive, by being present at all times….by putting their needs ahead of mine...

By somehow taking responsibility for their life and issues…

This is how it looks...

Mary jumps to action...puts on her wonder woman life vest and her full  blown heroism appears and she  jumps in for the rescue…

What happens during these heroic attempts?

Mary drowns too!

Sometimes along with the person I am attempting to rescue and sometimes the person is saved and I am the lone one to drown...

Either way...bad ending to the story

If people want to drown by their lack of willingness to save themselves, their dependence, their instability, denial and their lack of commitment to change

No one, not even me, can save them....

What is the moral of this story???

Sometimes you need to save  yourself...

You are no help to anyone if you have allowed yourself to be suffocated by others and not attended to your own emotional needs... 

Don’t get me wrong; I believe in helping others and supporting people…friends and strangers

What I know now is that I can’t live someone’s life for them, I can’t make them be happier by my actions, I can’t force them into changing or adjusting or seeing it the way I see it, I can’t make them or wish anything for them

Trust me... I have tried to want good lives for lots of people I love and me wanting it doesn't make it happen...

They need to want it...They need to work for it...

Sometimes you have to save yourself and worry about yourself, your life, your emotions and your wellness

What I can do is offer a life vest, a towel and be present when they emerge...

What I can't do, What I won't do... is take responsibility for them and be pulled under..

It is possible to support someone, love someone and be present for someone without letting them take you down

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G