We Shall Not Walk Alone

Moments of Clarity

Moments of clarity…both wonderful and painful!

In the last year  I have had a mini break through…breakdown…spiritual awakening…moment of clarity or insanity…you pick…either way…I made some great changes and had some deep awareness about myself and others.  

Every road block that I face or every bump in the road I say to myself “this is it” I am done.

I shout to the universe “okay I got it” “no more lessons needed” “I have arrived”

The latest lesson:

That is ridiculous thinking; I will never be done learning life’s lessons. I really never will arrive and that is okay with me….

 I was reminded last night that I often times put other people’s needs ahead of my own.

Typically this is not a bad thing to do but when it interferes with you own sense of wellness it is time to reprioritize.

I have been running on empty for a couple of weeks now and have not stopped to refuel.  I broke down on the side of the road last night….no gas in my vehicle; stranded and alone.

It was dark and I hate the dark.

What did I do???

I tried on my new behavior…..I called for roadside assistance instead of standing in the dark trying to fix my own problem and not wanting to bother anyone else….you can’t put gas in your car if there is none available.

I did what we all need to do….I reached out

When you need help ask for it!

Don’t put everyone’s needs always ahead of you.  That is not necessary. You don’t get any extra life points for running yourself into the ground while helping others.

You can be well balanced, nurturing and loving and compassionate to yourself and others all at the same time.

What happened when I reached out?

Roadside assistance came and refueled me.

 A simple contact with someone who understands is sometimes all we need.  It is all I needed.

If you need to talk to someone or cry to them or vent or whatever….that is okay and that is refueling your soul and spirit and that is a natural part of life.  It does not make you less than. It makes you human.

Balance your needs with the needs of others. Take care of yourself.  Go back to basics and connect with others, eat well, sleep and rest. No need to run out of gas again.

We shall not walk alone

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Gratitude...

Sorry everyone for being gone so long...had a few things I had to deal with and a few trips to take..

I must say that the last three months of my life have been amazing...I can say that I understand humility and gratitude at a level I never have before...

Don't worry I will be discussing this at length in my upcoming blogs...for now...

Where am I today?

Grateful

Today I am grateful

I am grateful for:

1. The love of people
2. The understanding of people
3. Health
4. Children
5. My Job
6. A God of my understanding that is loving and forgiving
7. Spirituality
8. The Amazing Women in My Life
9. Second Chances
10. The Sun
11. The Rain
12. The Mountains
13. Opportunity
14. A hot shower and food
15. A warm and safe place to sleep

My gratitude list is about love and understanding, support and relationships...

Today I am grateful to be alive and loved.

Today I am grateful for you.

Today I am grateful that I know what is important in my life and that I won't wast time on things that don't matter any more.

Today I am grateful for the love and friendships I have.

Today I am grateful that I am not wrapped up in material stuff or materialistic people.

Today I am grateful for the understanding that what we have together in friendship and support is what makes us complete, happy, blessed and wealthy.

Today I am grateful for you.

What are you grateful for today...shout it out..share and love

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G


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A Super Human...I Think Not!

I recently discovered....I am not a Super Human....Damn it!

To think such a thing is to operate from a place of EGO. I never related EGO to this behavior but I have come to reflect that me believing that I was immune to what life was going to serve me...that I would "always" be able to handle it...was a belief that emerged from my fear and ego.

I have to admit that there were certain things I have said to myself "I would never do...."

Guess what...

I did...

I am coming to accept that I am a human being with human problems. This may be a news flash for some of you...

You....are just a human being with human problems...

What a relief!!!

It does not matter as to what career you have, how much education you have, how much money you make or how good you look on the outside...

Life is full of issues...none of us are expempt from experiencing these things....good and bad.

I have been brought to my knees in recent weeks and humbled in the face of personal adversity.

It has been the best and worst experience I have ever had in my life. Although extremely painful; it did not break me.

What would have broken me is refusing to admit that I was experiencing pain; that I needed help.

Operating from a Super Human perspective will break us all...

From the mud, once again, like a lotus, I will fight my way to the top and emerge better and stronger than I was before.

What I won't take for granted again is my human-ness.

I am a human being with human problems, PhD and all...

We are humans with human problems...forgive yourself and don't regret the past or freak out about the future...

We only have today and we only have each other.

We are all in this together...this thing called life...I mean that...

Keeping it real with Dr. Mary G

The Frog I Kissed that Turned into a Prince

I kissed a frog and he turned into a prince…………..NOT!!!

I am here to clear something up…kissing frogs is a fantasy…no prince will come out of this behavior…I have tried…I have kissed them, showered them with love, been understanding with them, helped them, given to them…fed them lots of flys...no prince ever emerged..

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I have many friends that are single and many friends that are in relationships/marriages.

This is not true for all ,,,,but the general theme I am finding is that there is deep dissatisfaction in personal relationships.

Why is this?

Do we settle?

Do we stop putting forth the effort into making it work?

I can list the many reasons why.

The why is not important right now.

The important question is...

Is my idea of a good relationship a possibility or a fantasy?

What I think a good relationship is…

·         Two people who love one another unconditionally but work really hard to be the best person they can be because they are in a wonderful partnership.

·         Lots and Lots of Communication…

·         Acceptance of one another

·         Consideration for one another

·         Two people that disagree, struggle, face life’s ups and downs…TOGETHER

·         Equality

·         Mutually shared and loved activities

·         Independence

·         Passion ( I can’t get rated R here because I have younger readers….you know what I mean)

·         Emotional Connection

·         Two people that recognize they have issues (we all do) and are continually working on those issues to be a better partner and person    

These things seem pretty straight forward. I am hoping that at some point in my life I will have a relationship like this “fantasy” relationship. A relationship with someone I love unconditionally and is my best friend.

Because

In the end a frog is a frog and will be nothing more or nothing less…Let’s stop wasting our time on kissing the frogs and risking getting some screwed up frog disease..

We are worth more than that..

For me, today in my life, being alone is better than being with a frog..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Babysitter No More

I was having dinner with a close friend and she used the phrase “babysitting someone’s happiness”.

The phrase struck me so much that I thought it was important to share my thoughts about what the phrase means to me.

As a kid, I hated babysitting.

Why did I hate it? 

 I had to pay constant attention to the kids, play what they wanted to play, tell them what they wanted to hear so they wouldn’t cry, eat what they wanted to eat, wipe their noses and their bottoms and hope that they gave good reports to their parents so that I would get my small amount of pay.

I didn’t babysit much as teenager…for those exact reasons.

So why do I babysit as an adult?

What I have discovered is that I have babysat a lot as an adult.  I have babysat people’s happiness.

People in my life; it is important to me for them to be happy….

So what have I done…

I have given constant attention to them… done what I thought they wanted to do, told them what they wanted to hear, appeased their needs, entertained them, bought them gifts..did my best song and dance...

Unbalanced on the side of trying to keep them happy...."babysitting their happiness"

At some point I felt in charge of their happiness…just like a babysitter.

I am here to tell you that I am done babysitting people’s happiness. I will only be responsible for my own happiness.

I will commit to be a loving person; kind, present and accepting. I will commit to providing people (family, friends, partners, and my children) unconditional respect, support and love.

What I will not do is take on the responsibility of making them happy.

 I will live my life being honest, caring and supportive in relationships but I will not fret over nor will I own another's misery.

If you are unhappy...do not blame others for that...do not look to others  to make you happy…that is false happiness and will not last.

If you are babysitting another person’s happiness….STOP! You are doing them, yourself and the relationship no good.

Babysitting another person’s happiness gives you nothing but stress, heartache, guilt, blame and shame…far less than the small amount we were paid when we babysat for a job.

Happiness is internal and not external and is an individual’s responsibility.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Checking in and out of the Heartbreak Hotel

I have had my heart broken many times in my life; like most of us...

What does it mean to have your heart broken?

What it means for me is intense emotional pain, anguish, and sadness over something that is happening or happened in my life.

I have had my heart broken over several things in my life. Loss of friendships, relationships, and loved ones.

 My heart breaks when I see someone I love in pain.

What do I do when my heart is broken?

 Well my old self stuffed the pain...avoided it... ignored it...rationalized it and/or tried to numb it. I just tried to pretend it didn't happen.

I have recently had the chance to practice what I would do now if my heart was broken.

What I did was slip back and tried the old way of dealing with it...old habits die hard!

I tried to ignore it. I tried to blame myself for it; I tried to convince myself it wasn't there; I tried to get a rewind.

What happened when I did this...It made it worse!! Caused some insanity.

What I am slowly realizing about painful experiences is that I have to face them. I can't ignore them; I can't wish them away; I can't pretend they didn't happen.

I have to deal with them at "their" pace and not at my pace. I have to allow myself time to feel hurt and sadness before I move on. I have to recognize that being human means having my feelings hurt. Sometimes hurt badly.

I am learning to let myself sit with the pain until it passes; I am attempting not to overanalyze it and I am accepting it as a part of life.

I realize that the only way to avoid heartbreak is to stop opening myself up to love from others
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For me that is not living.....I know that on the other side of heartbreak is enormous love and joy and that is what  makes a life worth living.

What I also know for sure is that heartbreak heals and the storm never lasts forever....

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

ANGER............GRRRR

Is anger helpful?

I think it can serve as a motivator, a behavior changer, a way to get unstuck if you are stuck.

I think anger can serve a purpose if it is growth oriented.

What I mean is that if you get angry at yourself for doing something you wish you wouldn’t have done then use it to change your behavior.

If you are angry at injustice that is taking place in the world and that motivates you to change something to help other…work it to your advantage!

If you are angry because your job is miserable, your relationships are bad, your health isn’t what it use to be…use the anger to motivate change…do it do it do it…

What anger should not be is a prison that you are held in. Anger can become your enemy if you don’t deal with it or if it is displaced.

Often times our anger gets displaced and we project it in ways that are hurtful to ourselves and others..

Anger can cause you to treat yourself and others badly. Anger can result in you losing your dignity, self-respect and rational thinking.

I have gotten irritated over the last year but I haven’t gotten angry to the point where I gave it power….I did recently.

I got angry and said things I didn’t mean to a friend…damage done…that is what anger does…damages relationship and sometimes in this case, the damage will not be repaired.

What was my growth in this…

1.      A reminder that anger is a secondary emotion and I need to deal with the primary emotion first so the anger disappears

2.      Accepting that primary emotion…in this case…my feelings got hurt and I was sad and had I dealt with that for myself then I wouldn’t have lashed out and hurt a friend.

3.      Take a moment before responding in any situation you feel angry in

4.      Accepting my humanity…damn it I am not perfect!

5.      Owning my own emotion...not blaming my anger on someone else…all me

So if you are angry about something or someone….where is the anger coming from? Are you hurt, embarrassed, ashamed, sad…

Deal with that first…see what a difference it makes…

Use it as a way to change…

Don’t stay prisoner to it…a huge waste of time

I fought anger and anger won…one time this year….he won’t be winning again anytime soon..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G