The Awakening

A Woman Awoke

I feel inspired to write about awakenings today. I have returned from a trip from Central America in which I experienced a renewal and an awakening.

The love, hope and resilience and faith in God of people living in extreme poverty was moving and powerful.

I met an older woman who lived in fear for most of her life. Fear to leave her home, fear of her spouse and fear of the outside world.

She met other women who were also fearful. These primary fears were overtaken with fear for the lives of their children.

These women were giving birth on the side of the road; had no potable water; collecting contaminated water for their children because there was no clean water; no medical or dental facilities within miles or hours…..many infant deaths…many unnecessary deaths of loved ones…

 These women were fearful of what would happened to their children so they mobilized eight years ago as mothers, sisters, and friends.

Women who came from miles to join the movement…women who fought for their basic rights as human beings.  

The right to have access to clean water. The right to have medical services for themselves and their families. The right to have bridges to cross. The right to have roads. The right to have education.

Hearing their testimony.... hearing them say over and over again “We were afraid to speak, afraid to leave or homes, afraid of our husbands…..since joining other women, we have not been afraid”.

Hearing the empowerment and pride in their stories, themselves and in their voices has moved me to assess what my life is and what I can do to live in solidarity with people having their human rights violated.

From this experience I am a woman awoke.

How can you be awaken to the needs of your neighbors, your friends, your community?

What motivates you to feel passion, pride, love and solidarity?

Find what makes you feel alive and go for it! The thought of helping others awakens my spirit.

No matter what awakens your spirit and your soul… now is the time…..

Awaken with me

 “If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old, you will just keep growing”   Gail Sheehy

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

The Tight Rope of Selflessness and Selfishness

Selfless or Selfish?

My nature really is one of selflessness.

I give with or without being asked. I give unconditionally. I give out of love, respect, empathy and care.  The only problem is that somewhere along the line I started giving so much I felt empty. 

 I gave so much I forgot what I needed for myself. I convinced myself that I should not take care of myself and so I worked hard to put everyone else’s needs first.

I forgot how to ask for what I needed. I forgot how to say “NO”.  

I started to forget that I was important enough to ask for what I needed. I forgot that I could advocate for myself. I forgot that I didn’t have to feel guilty saying no or putting my needs first.

So I flipped the other way momentarily; just recently…

I neglected someone I love. I thought of my own emotional wellbeing above theirs. I upchucked my emotions without considering how it would impact them….

I took on a different role than I usually do…

I don’t believe there was irreversible damage in what happened but....I was an ass!

I apologized and self-reflected….what did I learn?

I learned that for me I would rather give than take and I learned that I can give and take in the same scenario...it doesn't have to be either or..

I learned that I can put on my oxygen mask first and then assist the person next to me with theirs...

In my life the extreme of either giving to much or taking too much doesn’t work…

I am learning how to walk the tight rope of caring for self and caring for others. Balancing my needs and the needs of others…realizing both can be done simultaneously.

I have not come up with the secret formula…when I do I will be sure to share it with you.

What is important to me…what I want…is to give more than I take…but I do believe that my needs are important…I am working on finding the balance without hurting myself or others…if I am suffocating I am of no use to anyone..

Find balance with me..

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Disappointment-Not a Destroyer

I have experienced, like all of you, disappointment on  many levels. Disappointment is a painful experience for me.

Each time I experience it I don’t see it coming. It sweeps me off my feet like a tornado.

We all face disappointment in our lives.

I have experienced disappointment with family, friends, co-workers, my children, humanity and myself.

I had almost forgotten about disappointment. I haven’t experienced much recently. I almost felt like it had been eradicated from my life.

Not so lucky and not so realistic.

I recently experienced some disappointment, something minor yet…

My heart sank and sadness poured over me. I thought about the situation for a long time. Wondered why I hadn’t been prepared. Wondered why I let it, once again, sweep me off my feet.

Why wasn’t I prepared?

The reason I wasn’t prepared is that I chose not to be prepared.

Each time I have been disappointed in my life I have learned a valuable lesson.

Clarity around the lessons may have taken time but from those disappointments and painful experiences I learned and continue to learn... 

To make better choices, engage in healthier relationships, forgive, communicate, share my feeling and trust my instincts.

I learned and am continuing to learn not to give up hope; to keep trying and working for what I want and need in life.

I choose not to be prepared for disappointment because I don’t want to let it turn me into someone who doesn’t trust, who doesn’t take risks, who fears being hurt. I don’t and won’t let disappointment turn me into a bitter person or worse, a person full of regrets.

This last disappointment, a disappointment in myself, was like a bee sting. Pain was intense for a moment; I cried, the pain passed and the stung wore off…it never left a mark.

What I learned….is that we are all doing the best we can given the circumstances in which we have... that includes me…

Disappointment is a part of life; don’t be afraid of it....embrace it...learn from it.....keep on living to the fullest... because in the words of Eliza Tabor:

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it”

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Ignore the Engine Light-Wind up in the Junkyard

What happens when the engine light comes on in your car?

Some people immediately take care of it. They take it to the shop; have an expert look at it; find out what is wrong and fix it.

Some people ignore the engine light. They hope it goes away; they avoid looking at it.... believing that ignoring it means that nothing is wrong with their vehicle.

Usually if the engine light comes on something is wrong with your vehicle. Typically, those who ignore the engine light end up with more damage in the end.

Sometimes they wind up broken down on the side of the road.

How do you know if your life's engine light is on?  

Think about the important areas in your life and ask yourself if you are balanced and fulfilled.

How are your relationships? Are you feeling loved? Are you loving? Are your relationships with friends and family mutually satisfying and respectful? How is your relationship with yourself? Do you respect yourself? Love yourself? Forgive yourself? Do you take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually?

Do you feel like you are meeting your goals in life? Are you doing what you want to do with your career? Are you living where you want to live? Do you have the lifestyle you want to have?

How much fun do you have each day? Each week? Each month? Do you play? Do you laugh? Do you have consistent joy?

What choices do you make for you? Choices that take you closer to what you want out of life? Do you feel empowered to make those choices?

All the areas in your life need to be tended to in order for you to keep the engine light off.

How do you determine if you need to attend to your life or a part of your life?

It requires taking a hard and honest look at the areas of your life and doing some self-assessment.

You have to honestly answer the hard questions.

 If one or more areas of your life is unfulfilled..like a car with its engine light on....it is time to take care of the problem.

Address it head on. You and only you are the expert that can fix it.

My engine light is definitely blinking. I have good balance in many parts of my life. I recognize that I do need to attend to the area of fun, solitude and purpose.

Small changes and steps can and will lead to a more balanced life. I also know that small steps can lead to big steps and big changes; needed changes.

If I don’t take care of the areas in my life needing attention, like a car with its engine light on, I will breakdown and be parked on the side of the road...I may be hauled to the junkyard.

Stay off the side of the road with me and stay away from the junkyard.

Take care of the parts of your life you may be neglecting…address the engine light; don’t ignore it and don’t wait until it you are to broken down to service or repair.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

You never have to say "I love you" again

The approach of Valentines Day has gotten me thinking of LOVE!

What is love?

What does it mean when someone says "I love you"?

Love is a word.

I have said the word love to many people. I said it today to three or four people.

Saying "I love you" has little meaning to me anymore. I think people overuse the word.

A friend recently told me that a man she was in a relationship with would say to her “I am loving you”. 

That makes total sense.

Loving someone is tangible.

I could go an entire lifetime without hearing “I love you” but I can’t go any time at all without people “loving” me.

How do I know that people are loving me?

People in my life are loving me through unconditional support and acceptance.  Loving me means tolerating my insanity and my constant scheming, dreaming and reinventing.  Loving me means encouraging my constant scheming, dreaming and reinventing. Loving me means not judging or criticizing me. Loving me means listening to me for understanding. Loving me means being honest with me when I need it. Loving me means holding my hand when I need it. Loving me means when I stumble and fall; helping me up. Loving me means helping me up and not saying I told you so; even though you knew I was going to fall. Loving me means never hurting me on purpose. Loving me means not being cruel. Loving me means never wanting to see me in pain. Loving me means accepting my imperfections. Loving me means treating me with respect.

I am blessed to have people in my life loving me right now. I am loving them in the same ways they are loving me. I show them my love.

The words I love you are just an added bonus.

I will not have close relationships with anyone in my life anymore that are not “loving me”. 

If you are in close relationships with friends, partners and family members that are mean, hurtful, critical, judgmental, intolerant, oppressive, abusive, unsupportive, caustic and spiteful then it doesn’t matter if they say the words "I love you" 1000 times a day.....…they are not loving you. You deserve to have people in your life loving you. Saying "I love you" can be a hollow words....loving is a behavior. We all know the difference.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Is fear winning?

Several times I have spoken of fear.  Fear has been an overarching theme in my life. I am tired of fear.

Fear is similar to a bad cold.

Both can hang on for a long time…linger…feel like they won’t go away. Thankfully, we recover from bad colds and they run their course and eventually we are better; back to our old selves.

Fear on the other hand, unless properly treated, does not go away…it does not run its course…it often grows, compromises our way of life, our dreams and our hopes.

Fear comes from many places. I think in order to conquer fear a person needs to identify its source.

Like many of us I struggled to fit in when I was young.  I never quite felt good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and definitely never had enough money. 

 I weathered the storm of adolescents; grew up and found people in my life that accepted me for who I was.  The problem was, like a cold virus, the fear had  already set in and spread. I didn't treat it for a long time.

I was able to mask it but self-doubt lingered for many years in my life.  My fear of not being good enough for others; my fear of disappointing others; fear of what people would think of my decisions; and fear of rejection. These fears held me tight for a long time. They held me in jobs I didn’t want to be in and relationships I should have been out of…they held me in towns I hated and in lifestyles I wanted nothing to do with…

Fear called for my power and I gave it freely without a fight. I submitted to it.

Then like a cold, the fever broke…the breath of life came back to me…I knew I would recover.

I made major changes. I realized what Christopher Coan says is true “fear cannot take what you do not give it.”

I still have fear, I am human.

What I don’t do any longer is submit to the fear. I look it straight in the eyes. I don’t give it my power. I hang on to my power, I fight the fear and I win.

What are your fears? Where do they come from? What has your fear stop you from doing in your life? Ask yourself those questions. Listen to your answers. Fight the fear harder than you have fought anything in your life.  Speak your fears out loud. Shed some light on them.

The boogeyman never looks as scary in the light as we think he is in the dark.

Stand at the crossroads with me…take the path that you want to take; don’t let fear stand in your way. Refuse to let fear block your path!

Keeping it real with Dr. Mary G

Maybe Your Dreams Don't Come True Because of You?

Dreams…only in your sleep???

Are dreams things that only happen when you sleep?

I have been thinking a lot about dreams lately. What are my dreams….not the ones I have when I sleep…but my aspirations…my desires…what do I want most out of life?

This notion of dreams being unreachable…things you put on hold..things that keep you going but you never really get…I don’t accept that notion..I refuse to accept that notion…

The recent deaths and illness of several people that I know have caused me to think about the idea of dreams (aspirations, hopes…desires)

The thing I remember hearing from my father was that he was going to return to Pennsylvania where he grew up and visit his beloved brother and sisters……go the next year..go the next year…go the next year....he died before he could go….he was in his early 60’s..

My brother had dreams….he loved to play the guitar…wanted to play more of his guitar…play in a band and I am most certain dreamed of meeting Elvis Costello….whatever his dreams...he died in his early 40's...

A woman I worked with just died…49 years old…what were her dreams…did she follow them?

I hear so many of my friends’ say that they have “put their dreams on hold” or they will “do that someday".

What does that mean?

People say…”can’t do that…” “kids” “money” “husband” “wife”….”not the right time” “after the new year” “next year I will”…..excuses…. excuses…. excuses…

Based from fear mostly…

I have also said those things..…I have blamed others for my lack of fulfillment…used others as my excuse of why I haven’t gone forward…done the things I wanted to do…I have thought about waiting for the “right” time…been afraid of what people would think..afraid to fail…

Then I realized

Things in my life will never be in perfect order…I will never have enough money…I will always have responsibilities…there will never be a perfect or “right” time for me.... fear is an excuse.

Then I realized

I refuse to make excuses anymore…I am going for it…seize the moment…seize the day…. I don’t want to blame others for not fulfilling my life goals or desires. I don’t want to wait until I retire and drive to the view point and look at the mountain…

I want and will climb the mountain while I still can….

I am not suggesting you or I go crazy and act as if our time is up and become reckless and throw our responsibilities to the wind.

I am suggesting blaming others for not following our dreams and our lack of fulfillment is not the answer.  

I suggest we stop finding excuses for not really living.

I suggest we don’t let fear control us…we start small.... one step at a time....we start working our way up the mountain of our dreams…we find out what we want in life and we go for it!

What do you want out of your life? What are your dreams and desires?  

Take the first step…I am with you. 

Pretty soon we will summit the mountain…together!

Keeping it real with Dr. Mary G