The Big Bad Bridge

You might not believe this but I use to be afraid to drive across the Astoria Bridge.

A long bridge that spans 4 miles over the Columbia River…

I would have to pull over and have someone drive over the bridge for me or I wouldn't go...

I use to be afraid to fly, to drive on the freeway, to believe I deserved anything good…

I was afraid of what people thought of me; afraid I would disappoint people..

How did this happene to me.....

I wasn’t afraid as a teenager 

 Somewhere in my early 20’s I let fear freeze me and imprison me…for a long long time..

Hard to believe coming from a woman who in the past five years completed a PhD, left an unhealthy relationship, addressed some painful  and real issues,  traveled to 7 countries and…….I don’t even know how many States

A woman who now on a dime will rock climb, hot air balloon and take any adventure or opportunity presented..

How did I for so long stay trapped in my own fears...

It snuck up on me....little by little...year by year...

The reasons don't matter...

What matters is how I thawed...

How did I unfreeze….

I stepped off the path that I allowed someone to create for me………I had faith that my life could and would be better…

Faith is a powerful thing...

I stopped being a passenger in my life and decided to take the wheel..

I stopped blaming everyone for my situation, unhappiness..

I  took responsibility for myself and my life...

I stepped off the cliff and believed I would find solid ground…

I did!! I found more than solid ground

I found  spirituality, humility, awareness,  true love, and happiness

I still experience fear, I still have sadness, I still hurt….I am a human

What is different is I don’t let it trap me or stop me from living the life I always wanted to live

I don’t let it stop me from being the me I have always wanted to be

I experience the feelings, I speak to them, I let them go and I live.....

Don’t be afraid to cross the bridge….experience it, speak to it, let it go and live

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

What's Love Got To Do With It....EVERYTHING

We hurt the people we love the most………..RIDICULOUS

Have you heard that phrase? I am here to dispute that saying and behavior. To me that is a load of….

Really we hurt the people we love the most?  That makes absolutely no sense to me on a basic level…

I think someone made that up to justify being treated terribly over and over by someone that “loved” them…

Love to me isn’t being rude to someone, taking advantage of them, using them, manipulating them or treating them badly…

That is not love to me….

If you love me don’t treat me like a doormat, take advantage of me, call me names, take your bad days out on me and be an overall jerk…

To me love is kind and gentle….it is patient and giving….it is mutual and respectful….it is  happy and good…

Love is honesty and support in good and bad situations

We all have bad days and snap at those we love… lose our tempers… are irritable and sometimes inconsiderate…we are human beings…

But if you want to prove you love me the most by consistently being rude to me, taking advantage of my kindness, using me, manipulating me then…. I am here to tell you that I can do without that kind of love…..that isn’t what I deserve…

The kind of love I want and will find someday is mirrored in this slightly adapted quote (modified by mg)

I want a man who calls me beautiful instead of hot, a man that is kind and honest, a man who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat and who will stay awake and watch me sleep because he thinks I am amazing, a man that kisses my forehead and holds my hand, who wants to show me off to the world when I have my baggy sweat pants on and my Pittsburgh Steelers sweatshirt on, a man who thinks I look stunning all the time, with and without makeup, a man who tells me he loves me and cares about me and how lucky he is to have me, a man that turns to his friends and says “that’s her”….

In return

 I will be the woman who doesn’t care about the bald head and chubby belly, the woman who is kind and honest,  the woman that will be his best friend, the woman who will cuddle up to him on the couch when his football game is on (even if it isn’t the Steelers), the woman who thinks he is amazing and is his number fan, the woman that holds his hand, kisses his cheeks and wants to show him off to the world… even when he hasn’t trimmed his nose hairs the woman who turns to her friends and says “that’s him”….

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

The Shallow Lives We Live

Many people live plastic and hollow lives….

They live beyond their means to prove that they are successful or accomplished or worthy

Trying to convince themselves and others they have “arrived”

For a second in my life I thought I wanted a nice house and a nice car and a nice wardrobe….that lasted a very short amount of time. That was someone else’s definition of success. That was someone else’s life

I came from nothing material. ...My parents were not educated beyond the 8^th and 9^th grade....Both worked as migrant workers and farm laborers most of their lives

No health benefits, dental coverage, retirement plans; let alone fancy vacations, cars, houses or plastic things to make me or my family feel better

Growing up I intermingled with two types of people…those who really hated me and taunted me for no other reasons besides that I was poor, trashy, unstylish, always smelled musty and smoky…and lived in a trailer in a trailer park

And…

There were those who didn’t seem to mind my stench (I was clean) and my family’s income…or where I laid my head down to sleep….they were kind and gentle and were my friends…..some raised in similar backgrounds but some coming from the “haves”

When I was a kid I was so envious of the “haves” ….I believed that people that had lots of things and looked really good on the outside were happy

I wonder if they were envious of me??

I doubt it….they should have been...

Why

Because I understand firsthand what it is like to be disregarded as trash for doing nothing more than being poor and looking different

I understand firsthand what it is like to go without basic needs

I understand firsthand what it is like to have your teeth pulled because the dentist gives you no other options because you don’t have insurance

I understand how important it is to accept people for who they are as people not for the things they may or may not have

I understand how important a little encouragement and acceptance goes

I understand working for everything I have ever gotten in my life

I understand the power of relationships....Ones that are true and real….ones that are based on love, kindness, compassion and empathy

Ones that can’t be built on anything else but those qualities because I had nothing else to give

Maybe the “haves” of my past shouldn’t envy me….what I wish is that they would have had the ability to really see me.....

I am by my own definition a “have” today. I have dental and medical insurance. I never go without food. I have a house (an actual house). I have the ability to travel with my children. I have a career.

I have the ability to love and care about people without regards to possesions or plastics

I wonder without those childhood experiences would I have the ability to see a human being for who they are in their heart and soul first…not defining them by their material goods….

Maybe I wouldn’t trade my childhood experiences in after all….I would never want to be a person who judged others by anything other than their heart, soul and compassion

How do you judge?

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G