Disappointment-Not a Destroyer

I have experienced, like all of you, disappointment on  many levels. Disappointment is a painful experience for me.

Each time I experience it I don’t see it coming. It sweeps me off my feet like a tornado.

We all face disappointment in our lives.

I have experienced disappointment with family, friends, co-workers, my children, humanity and myself.

I had almost forgotten about disappointment. I haven’t experienced much recently. I almost felt like it had been eradicated from my life.

Not so lucky and not so realistic.

I recently experienced some disappointment, something minor yet…

My heart sank and sadness poured over me. I thought about the situation for a long time. Wondered why I hadn’t been prepared. Wondered why I let it, once again, sweep me off my feet.

Why wasn’t I prepared?

The reason I wasn’t prepared is that I chose not to be prepared.

Each time I have been disappointed in my life I have learned a valuable lesson.

Clarity around the lessons may have taken time but from those disappointments and painful experiences I learned and continue to learn... 

To make better choices, engage in healthier relationships, forgive, communicate, share my feeling and trust my instincts.

I learned and am continuing to learn not to give up hope; to keep trying and working for what I want and need in life.

I choose not to be prepared for disappointment because I don’t want to let it turn me into someone who doesn’t trust, who doesn’t take risks, who fears being hurt. I don’t and won’t let disappointment turn me into a bitter person or worse, a person full of regrets.

This last disappointment, a disappointment in myself, was like a bee sting. Pain was intense for a moment; I cried, the pain passed and the stung wore off…it never left a mark.

What I learned….is that we are all doing the best we can given the circumstances in which we have... that includes me…

Disappointment is a part of life; don’t be afraid of it....embrace it...learn from it.....keep on living to the fullest... because in the words of Eliza Tabor:

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it”

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

Ignore the Engine Light-Wind up in the Junkyard

What happens when the engine light comes on in your car?

Some people immediately take care of it. They take it to the shop; have an expert look at it; find out what is wrong and fix it.

Some people ignore the engine light. They hope it goes away; they avoid looking at it.... believing that ignoring it means that nothing is wrong with their vehicle.

Usually if the engine light comes on something is wrong with your vehicle. Typically, those who ignore the engine light end up with more damage in the end.

Sometimes they wind up broken down on the side of the road.

How do you know if your life's engine light is on?  

Think about the important areas in your life and ask yourself if you are balanced and fulfilled.

How are your relationships? Are you feeling loved? Are you loving? Are your relationships with friends and family mutually satisfying and respectful? How is your relationship with yourself? Do you respect yourself? Love yourself? Forgive yourself? Do you take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually?

Do you feel like you are meeting your goals in life? Are you doing what you want to do with your career? Are you living where you want to live? Do you have the lifestyle you want to have?

How much fun do you have each day? Each week? Each month? Do you play? Do you laugh? Do you have consistent joy?

What choices do you make for you? Choices that take you closer to what you want out of life? Do you feel empowered to make those choices?

All the areas in your life need to be tended to in order for you to keep the engine light off.

How do you determine if you need to attend to your life or a part of your life?

It requires taking a hard and honest look at the areas of your life and doing some self-assessment.

You have to honestly answer the hard questions.

 If one or more areas of your life is unfulfilled..like a car with its engine light on....it is time to take care of the problem.

Address it head on. You and only you are the expert that can fix it.

My engine light is definitely blinking. I have good balance in many parts of my life. I recognize that I do need to attend to the area of fun, solitude and purpose.

Small changes and steps can and will lead to a more balanced life. I also know that small steps can lead to big steps and big changes; needed changes.

If I don’t take care of the areas in my life needing attention, like a car with its engine light on, I will breakdown and be parked on the side of the road...I may be hauled to the junkyard.

Stay off the side of the road with me and stay away from the junkyard.

Take care of the parts of your life you may be neglecting…address the engine light; don’t ignore it and don’t wait until it you are to broken down to service or repair.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G.

You never have to say "I love you" again

The approach of Valentines Day has gotten me thinking of LOVE!

What is love?

What does it mean when someone says "I love you"?

Love is a word.

I have said the word love to many people. I said it today to three or four people.

Saying "I love you" has little meaning to me anymore. I think people overuse the word.

A friend recently told me that a man she was in a relationship with would say to her “I am loving you”. 

That makes total sense.

Loving someone is tangible.

I could go an entire lifetime without hearing “I love you” but I can’t go any time at all without people “loving” me.

How do I know that people are loving me?

People in my life are loving me through unconditional support and acceptance.  Loving me means tolerating my insanity and my constant scheming, dreaming and reinventing.  Loving me means encouraging my constant scheming, dreaming and reinventing. Loving me means not judging or criticizing me. Loving me means listening to me for understanding. Loving me means being honest with me when I need it. Loving me means holding my hand when I need it. Loving me means when I stumble and fall; helping me up. Loving me means helping me up and not saying I told you so; even though you knew I was going to fall. Loving me means never hurting me on purpose. Loving me means not being cruel. Loving me means never wanting to see me in pain. Loving me means accepting my imperfections. Loving me means treating me with respect.

I am blessed to have people in my life loving me right now. I am loving them in the same ways they are loving me. I show them my love.

The words I love you are just an added bonus.

I will not have close relationships with anyone in my life anymore that are not “loving me”. 

If you are in close relationships with friends, partners and family members that are mean, hurtful, critical, judgmental, intolerant, oppressive, abusive, unsupportive, caustic and spiteful then it doesn’t matter if they say the words "I love you" 1000 times a day.....…they are not loving you. You deserve to have people in your life loving you. Saying "I love you" can be a hollow words....loving is a behavior. We all know the difference.

Keeping it Real with Dr. Mary G

Is fear winning?

Several times I have spoken of fear.  Fear has been an overarching theme in my life. I am tired of fear.

Fear is similar to a bad cold.

Both can hang on for a long time…linger…feel like they won’t go away. Thankfully, we recover from bad colds and they run their course and eventually we are better; back to our old selves.

Fear on the other hand, unless properly treated, does not go away…it does not run its course…it often grows, compromises our way of life, our dreams and our hopes.

Fear comes from many places. I think in order to conquer fear a person needs to identify its source.

Like many of us I struggled to fit in when I was young.  I never quite felt good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and definitely never had enough money. 

 I weathered the storm of adolescents; grew up and found people in my life that accepted me for who I was.  The problem was, like a cold virus, the fear had  already set in and spread. I didn't treat it for a long time.

I was able to mask it but self-doubt lingered for many years in my life.  My fear of not being good enough for others; my fear of disappointing others; fear of what people would think of my decisions; and fear of rejection. These fears held me tight for a long time. They held me in jobs I didn’t want to be in and relationships I should have been out of…they held me in towns I hated and in lifestyles I wanted nothing to do with…

Fear called for my power and I gave it freely without a fight. I submitted to it.

Then like a cold, the fever broke…the breath of life came back to me…I knew I would recover.

I made major changes. I realized what Christopher Coan says is true “fear cannot take what you do not give it.”

I still have fear, I am human.

What I don’t do any longer is submit to the fear. I look it straight in the eyes. I don’t give it my power. I hang on to my power, I fight the fear and I win.

What are your fears? Where do they come from? What has your fear stop you from doing in your life? Ask yourself those questions. Listen to your answers. Fight the fear harder than you have fought anything in your life.  Speak your fears out loud. Shed some light on them.

The boogeyman never looks as scary in the light as we think he is in the dark.

Stand at the crossroads with me…take the path that you want to take; don’t let fear stand in your way. Refuse to let fear block your path!

Keeping it real with Dr. Mary G